I Am the Greatest - Chapter 1
I am dead.
There’s no doubt about it. For all intents and purposes I am currently dead. Deceased. Departed. Expired. Gone.
I am no longer among the living.
But there is one thing that you’ve gotten wrong. While I am dead, I have not ceased to exist. I will not cease and desist.
This is all just a part of my elaborate plan that I am sure will work. How do I know?
I’m Mikado fuckin’ Ryuuko. It’s in the name.
For real though, I’m just your average Japanese girl in her last year of high school. Was it an exciting experience? Was it a fulfilling time?
Hell no. Fuck those limp dick assholes who kept trying to tell people that high school and university were the brightest times of their lives. Fuck all those rose-tinted pricks.
Real life is for people who were blessed with good looks, good luck, and a good upbringing.
I was the nerdy girl who came from an impoverished and broken home. My father never came home until it was way past midnight and my mother was an alcoholic who worked four jobs. I call them jobs, but that’s honestly a too-nice way to put it.
She was a drug dealer, a prostitute, a swindler, and a cashier.
The only pleasure I had in life was binge watching anime, reading manga, and playing tabletop role-playing games. I would’ve liked to play an MMO, but my computer was way too shitty to run anything.
Oh well. That’s life for you. You win some, you lose some.
I suppose I enjoyed working out too. Well, “enjoyed” is too strong of a word. It was more like my life depended on it.
You see, my father liked getting violent, and if I didn’t give him the old one-two from time to time, he’d forget that I wasn’t someone that he should fuck with.
Anyway, the point is that life isn’t that simple. The world isn’t kind. It’s a cruel, cruel world.
Motivational speakers can go fuck themselves. People who talk about dragging themselves out of poverty through hard work are liars. No matter how hard you try, the world’s just going to come crashing down around you.
Sorry, bub. It’s time to toss your delusional dreams down the chute labeled “waste disposal.” That’s where they belong.
But that’s not what people want to hear, is it? They want to hear that they’ll be able to live a fulfilling life. They want to hear that one day, maybe they’ll find love. That one day, maybe they’ll be successful.
That they’ll be happy.
So they live vicariously through the 24/7 internet spew of celebrity bullshit, vloggers, and social media “influencers.” Fuck that word.
The only thing that they influence is their own fucking ego. I hate them. They do nothing for this world, but they get a free pass for everything they do.
Whenever they have the slightest problem, all it takes is a simple tap and they have all the support in the world. Everything that they ever wanted or needed is right there at their fingertips.
And what did they do?
Jack shit. That’s what. A few booty pics thrice a week, and they’re swimming in dough all because they won the genetic lottery.
It’s bullshit, is what it is. Fuck this world, man.
Fuck all the wage slaves who work themselves to the bone, fuck all the politicians who actually try to advocate for some positive change in the world, fuck all the people who suffer alone, fuck all the children who go to sleep with an empty stomach.
They don’t matter. They aren’t beautiful, rich, or talented. They’re out of sight and out of mind.
Just like me. Fuck me.
That’s how this world operates. It’s just a steaming pile of shit that grows larger every passing day. So fuck this world too.
If it’s going to be a carpenter that wants to play plumber by plunging my anus with a log so hard that I’m shitting splinters every day, then what’s the goddamn point?
Trick question! There isn’t one!
That’s why I jumped.
I’ll go out on my own terms, thank you very much.
And that’s how I ended up here.
Floating in this vast expanse of blackness.
Honestly, it’s not too bad. There isn’t a single speck of light here, and I can’t feel a thing. But even so, I’d rather feel nothing at all than the endless grief and suffering back there. The overwhelming despair was just too much to bear.
Huh. That rhymed.
In fact, I don’t even feel cold. The only thing that I could “feel”, in a manner of speaking, was that I was drifting.
I don’t know for long how I’d been drifting, but it’s been a good while. It’s a comforting feeling, really. Surrounded by nothing, wanted by nothing, loved by nothing.
Hated by nothing.
I’d smile if I still had a body.
But now that I think back on it, maybe the world wasn’t as bad as I thought.
Sure, it was filled with darkness, but there were still a few specks of light here and there.
Shitty as my computer might’ve been, I was still able to talk to and connect with people from all across the world. There, I was able to find true friends. There were those who suffered as I did and there were those who were just trying to make it through life.
But regardless, we all shared in the same sentiment that sometimes, we just needed a big break from the cesspool of shit that was society.
Even at the gym there were a few bright moments here and there. The exultation that I felt when I managed a new personal record. The adrenaline that coursed through my body as I sparred in the ring.
Hell, even clocking my dad a good one was pretty funny. I still remember that time when my mother finally scrounged up enough to buy me a brand new school uniform after mine was soaked in sewage water.
I don’t know why it was so amusing for them to pour piss all over me, but I damn well gave them a good six months to think about it in the hospital.
…Yeah, that’s right. It might’ve been a dark place, but it wasn’t so bad. After all, light shines brightest in the darkness.
I felt a sharp pang in my nonexistent heart.
Is this… regret?
Of course not… Why would I regret leaving such a dismal world…?
“Am I…?” I touched a hand to my cheek. It was wet, but I couldn’t understand why.
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