A Story About a Girl who Betrayed her Loved One, Only to Spend her Days in Redemption, Regret, and Despair - Chapter 2

Chapter – Second

“Aa…Fuyu-kun…?”

“Fuyuki…”

Fuyuki glared at the two. While they were certainly his childhood friends, he can no longer look at them the same way again.

“Didn’t you hear me? I’m telling you guys to get out.”

This was the first time they have seen Fuyuki with so much vigor in his eyes.

Sere shivered at his stare.

“N-No…Fuyu-kun…I-I-I’m sorry…”

“Fuyuki.. It’s….my bad.”

“Forget it, just get dressed.”

Fuyuki showed a dismissive attitude.

The two of them couldn’t say anything back.

Yuudai silently gathered his clothes and puts them on.

Sere didn’t move and was stunned from the shock of Fuyuki finding out about her infidelity.

“You know… Fuyuki. This was not-”

“Just get out.”

“Sere is..”

“Hurry up.”

“I-I get it.. You don’t have to be so mad.”

Yuudai was completely taken in by Fuyuki’s intimidating atmosphere and prompty left Fuyuki’s house with his tail between his legs.

Fuyuki saw Yuudai left the house from the window, he returned his gaze to Sere who didn’t aven attempt to move.

When Sere met Fuyuki’s eyes, her body shook and she shrunk down.

Sere teared up and bowed her head. This was the first action she managed to think up while her mind was still in disarray.

“I-I’m sorry… Fuyu-kun.”

“Hurry up and get dressed already.”

Fuyuki urged her to get dressed without giving her time to wipe off any bodily fluids clinging to her body.

After she got dressed, Sere started crying as if a switch has been flipped.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry… Please forgive me.”

Sere went down on her knees with her forehead rubbed against the floor.

This was the most upmost way she can apologize at the moment.

“I’ll talk to you later. For now, go home.”

“…. I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”

“It doesn’t matter if you feel sorry. I’m not mad.”

Strangely enough, Fuyuki did not feel any anger.

He just wanted Sere to get out of his home as soon as possible.

“I’m, sorry.. Hic”

Sere was so shaken that she can’t stand up straight, she slipped and fell whenever she tried to do so.

With the help of Fuyuki, she managed to stand up. But her legs were trembling, she needed his support.

Fuyuki thought that Sere had already fallen out on love for him since she had spent so much time sleeping with Yuudai, but apparently that was not the case.

“Aaaa…. I’m sorry… I’m sorry… Fuyu-kun..”

“Come on already.”

Sere kept crying and repeated her apologies to the point that it got annoyed Fuyuki.

Fuyuki was getting fed up, so he dragged Sere and took her to the door.

“Ah, I forgot. I’ll have you return the ring and the house key.”

“Eh…?”

“We’re finished, I don’t want to take the plunge with you any longer.”

Sere stared at Fuyuki with a puzzled expression, her eyes welling up in tears, as if she did not understood what he just said.

“But t-that’s…. Please forgive me!”

Sere broke off from Fuyuki as she drops to the ground and started begging.

Fuyuki grabbed See and took away the key that she was holding.

After that, Sere started showing some resistance. For the first time, Fuyuki got forceful on her. Fuyuki managed to take away the ring Sere was wearing on her left hand.

Fuyuki glanced at the ring he took, he noticed that the design was not familiar to him.

“This is not the one I gave you.”

“N-no! No! No! No! Listen to me, Fuyu-kun!”

Fuyuki made a crude and accurate judgement that the ring was most likely a gift from Yuudai. He tossed it in the living room they just passed by.

“Where’s my ring?”

“…In the bedroom.”

“I’ll get it later.”

“No! Don’t!”

Fuyuki pulled Sere by the hand and took her to the front door. He had never treated Sere so roughly all his life.

“I don’t mind if you continue your relationship with him somewhere else.”

“Please… Let me explain..”

“After you calm down.”

Fuyuki threw Sere who was still miserably begging outside and closed the door shut.

After locking the door, Sere started banging from the outside.

“Hic… Prease ..inside… prease ret me in!”

Fuyuki shook his head in disgust at his terrible luck with women.

After a short time, Fuyuki fell on the spot.

As if the sound of the world was receding, Sere’s voice was slowly fading away.

[Good job, You did your best.]

A girl’s voice echoed vaguely in his mind.

The feelings that Fuyuki thought was gone resurfaced.

He was in so much pain that he felt like throwing up.

Fuyuki stared up the ceiling as he let out a tear silently.

?

My name is Itsumi Sere and I have made a terrible mistake.

I did a foolish thing that I shouldn’t have done.

I have committed a sin that cannot be atoned for.

I had torn the heart of someone I truly loved to shreds.

In my devastated mind, I didn’t immediately understood the reason why I am in this situation.

I gradually came back to my senses, I retraced all the things that I did.

Fuyu-kun acted as if he knew about my relationship with Yuudai.

He must’ve known for a long time now.

Tears started flowing down my cheeks, with no signs of stopping.

I clasp my hands together and look up at the dark sky.

Please God.

I swear I will never do such a thing again.

I know I’m selfishly wishing for something that is convenient for me.

But please let me start over with Fuyu-kun.

– Sere prayed towards the void while quietly spilling her tears.

?

The day after, I came back to Fuyu-kun’s house.

I’m willing to be a slave, a maid, or whatever else as long as Fuyu-kun will let me stay by his side.

I will drop out of school immediately and go live with Fuyu-kun in his apartment.

I came at the front door of his house and look up.

I stared at the place where I had made a mess, taking advantage of the fact that Fuyu-kun was living alone far away from here.

Tears start to well up in my eyes.

I don’t understand why I did it.

I rang the doorbell, waiting for Fuyu-kun to come out.

I don’t have a key now.

I can’t enter the house unannounced like in the past.

[What do you want?]

I hear Fuyu-kun’s voice in the speakers.

“…. I’ll tell you everything… Please give me a chance to apologize.”

[……]

With a click, the door unlocks.

I pat my chest in relief. Fuyu-kun is still willing to hear me out.

I opened the front door and went inside. The place felt unfamilliar, even though I have been living here just until yesterday.

Fuyu-kun is not in the living room.

I decided to go to his studio, and as expected Fuyu-kun was there.

He was standing in front of a large canvas, he was staring at it with an emotionless expression.

“Hiih.”

I backed away with my mouth clamped shut at the shocking sight.

Fuyu-kun’s painting. A painting of an angel where he used me as the model. But now the angel’s face was stained with reddish black ink.

Fuyu-kun had a proud smile on his face when he showed me that painting, saying that it was his masterpiece. Even to a novice like me, it was an amazing work of art.

Fuyu-kun had made a mess of such a precious painting.

I kneeled down on the dusty floor and bowed my head.

“Uhm… I’m really, really sorry.”

“We can’t move on if you just keep on apologizing. Aren’t you going to tell me everything?”

“Y-yeah… I’m sorry…”

Fuyu-kun has a dark expression on his face. He looked so tired and haggard.

His cheeks were covered with tear marks just like mine. When I look at him carefully, his eyes were bloodshot.

I wondered how much I had tormented Fuyu-kun.

My chest tightened, I could hardly breathe.

I was afraid that I would forget to breathe if I don’t do it consciously.

Once I regulated my breathing, I look at Fuyu-kun and begin to speak.

“Since Fuyu-kun started to live alone, Yuu-kun has been visiting me from time to time…”

At home and in school, I was always with Fuyu-kun, it was natural that Fuyu-kun was next to me.

That was not the case when he moved away to study. I was very lonely.

Sometime after, Yuu-kun started to come visit the house, and we started to talk for a little bit.

Since Fuyu-kun and I started dating, Yuu-kun became out of touch. But now that we started talking again, I feel like Yuu-kun was still the same as I remembered, I enjoyed talking with him.

“When we were drinking at Fuyu-kun’s house, he suddenly confessed to me. He told me that he has been in love with me for a long time and that he can’t hold his feelings in anymore. I felt sorry for Yuu-kun… It helped that Fuyu-kun had moved away and I was lonely, so when he came on to me.. I couldn’t refuse him and we did it…”

My eyes get hot, my vision blurred with my tears.

It’s not me who wants to cry, but Fuyu-kun. But I can’t stop crying nonetheless.

“He took a picture of me when we first did it. He blackmailed me in a roundabout way, I was forced to comply to his demands…. I’ve been going crazy with the guilt and immorality of betraying Fuyu-kun… It felt so good… hic…. In the end, I even asked for it myself.”

Fuyu-kun looks so distressed.

I wanted to stop talking right now and hug him.

But I guess I’m not qualified to do so now.

“You’re a terrible woman, Sere.”

“I’m, sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

I can only apologize desperately in a hushed voice.

“I know I don’t have the right. But please let me start over with Fuyu-kun… I won’t make a mistake again…”

I kept my head down and pleaded.

“Do you want to start over?”

“Eh?”

“My trust on Sere is broken and my dignity as a man was trampled on. You will have to live with the guilt if you stay with me. What kind of happiness is that?”

Fuyu-kun asked me calmly.

But my answer remained the same.

“The thing I hate the most is not having you by my side, Fuyu-kun.”

“Sigh… It that a wish that I have to give priority to even though it’s painful for me?”

“…… Please. Please forgive me.”

In a tearful voice, I pleaded again.

I knew it was self-centered, but I couldn’t give up.

I can’t imagine life without Fuyu-kun.

“….Sigh.”

Hearing my words, Fuyu-kun closed his eyes and remained silent.

He doesn’t look at me.

“…. If it’s not as a fiancé or a lover, but as a childhood friend, You can stay by my side.”

With a strained voice and a pained expression, Fuyu-kun gave me a chance to start over.

“T-thank you, Fuyu-kun….”

I sobbed with my head still on the ground, my tears staining the studio.

I promise to myself that I would atone for my sins and bring back Fuyu-kun’s smile. We would be happy together this time.

?

After that, a week has passed.

Fuyu-kun really allowed me to be near him. I started spending time with him, reading books and such.

There was little conversation between us and no physical contact.

However, I felt that we were moving forward a little, and I was happy.

I was grateful to be with Fuyu-kun, but suddenly I wondered if it was all right for him to be absent from school all the time.

“Fuyu-kun, are you going to be okay at school? I’m going to drop out and follow you, okay?”

“I already quit.”

It took me a second to process what Fuyu-kun said.

I was stunned, not understand what’s going on.

“Eh? What do you-”

“I left University. The day before yesterday.”

“B-but why…?”

Fuyu-kun worked so hard. He was so happy when he got in.

“I don’t know… I just don’t have the confidence anymore to continue. I’m going to move out of my apartment soon.”

“No way… Because of me…. Aaaaaa!”

Because of me, Fuyu-kun quit University. What have I done.

But somewhere in my heart, I was happy that I could spend more time with him.

I really am terrible.

I guess this is just my nature. I was the black hearted woman who cheated on Fuyu-kun without a care in the world.

After that , little by little, Fuyu-kun’s behavior became strange.

?

It has been a month since Fuyu-kun and I started to live together again.

As usual, there was no conversation between Fuyu-kun and me.

I cleaned the house and cooked every day, I devoted myself to Fuyu-kun.

Fuyu-kun doesn’t respond to me very well, but I was happy to be with him and to have him by my side.

Fuyu-kun spent his days either painting or lying on the sofa in a daze.

His complexion has became pale and he didn’t have much of an appetite.

Seeing Fuyu-kun in such condition, my heart became clouded.

I was hoping that Fuyu-kun will get used to his new life as soon as possible, but things didn’t work out that I’d hoped.

“Fuyu-kun, I have a suggestion….”

When I called out to Fuyu-kun, he quietly exhaled, opened his eyelids, and stared at me lazily.

“What?”

“Can I get rid of the bed in our bedroom? I made it dirty…”

“…Okay.”

“I’ll make arrangements later.”

Since the start of our new life, Fuyu-kun has been sleeping on a futon in the living room.

I have throughly cleaned our bed upstairs, but Fuyu-kun must’ve thought that it was too dirty for him to use it.

I wanted Fuyu-kun to at least use his parents’ bed, but he would not listen to me.

I contacted a contractor and arranged the bed to be disposed of and buy a new one.

This was the best use of my savings.

I know Fuyu-kun will refuse to do it with me, but if we slept together in the same bed, we could at least hold hands. That would be the best way for me to convey my warmth to him.

The warmth of Fuyu-kun’s body gave me a sense of security and euphoria many times in the past.

I had hoped that we would be able to communicate with each other if we held hands, even if he might not like it to be touched by me.

“It’s late, you should go home.”

“Ah.. okay. I’ll come back tomorrow.”

We have not been able to sleep together yet.

At night, Fuyu-kun asks me to go home.

It’s not surprising.

I’m not his fiancee, not even a lover. Right now I’m just Fuyu-kun’s childhood friend.

?

The contractor I arranged came soon after.

The new bed is on the truck.

[Good afternoon. We’re here for the job request.]

“Please do as specified.”

[Yes, ma’am.]

The workers moved through the house.

The old bed was dismantled quickly, it’s parts divided into pieces and carried away.

“Sere…”

“Ah, Fuyu-kun. What’s wrong?”

Fuyu-kun pushed me away and was giving some instructions to the workers.

The workers started dismantling the big rocking chair in the living room.

“Eh? Eh, Wait, You can’t do that!!”

Instinctively, I raised my voice loudly, hoping for the workers to stop.

[I can’t because Fuyuki-san’s authority is higher than yours.]

“Fuyu-kun, have them stop!”

Not the rocking chair.

It was Fuyu-kun’s favorite, the place where he used to sit with his late mother. It’s a chair that held a special place in Fuyu-kun’s heart.

That’s not all.

I also used to sit in it with him. It was a memorable chair for me, too.

I used to love to sit there with Fuyu-kun, indulging him, kissing him, touching his body, and letting the chair sway until I fall asleep.

I can’t let them dismantle such a precious chair.

“Stop it, Sere.”

Fuyu-kun stopped me when I tried to grab the worker.

“Why?! Do you want to lose the memory of your late mother?!”

I just don’t want the chair to disappear, I used Fuyu-kun’s dead mother as an excuse.

Rather than feeling bad, I have to stop the chair from getting destroyed first.

“Who was it that defiled the chair of my late mother?”

Fuyu-kun’s voice sounded awfully far away.

My eyes widen, and I stiffen.

Sweat broke out on my face, and my heart palpitated violently.

My breathing became ragged and I felt suffocated.

No matter how much I breathed in and out, no oxygen came in.

It’s painful. So painful.

Cluthing my chest, I ask for Fuyu-kun’s help.

Help me, Fuyu-kun.

I reach out my hand and fall to the ground on my knees.

How could I have forgotten?

The chair that reminded me of Fuyu-kun and his mother.

The chair that held fond memories of me and Fuyu-kun.

I sullied it with that man.

“Haa…. Ha….. I’m, s-sorry….”

As I fell down, Fuyu-kun stared down at me with cold eyes.

He knew that I had done it in the living room.

I’m such an idiot!

?

I stopped hyperventilating and looked away from the broken up rocking chair, sobbing and swollen.

Instead, the new bed came.

Somehow I manage to get myself together and get to work setting up the bed.

Finally, I don’t have to put Fuyu-kun in a cold place like the living room.

And I was going to ask him to share the bed with me.

If I could, I wanted to reassure him with my warmth. I wanted to soothe him as much as I could.

The workers head back, and I looked at the new bed.

It seemed to be a comfortable bed, as it was a high-class one.

It was big enough for three people to lie down.

I went downstairs to report to Fuyu-kun who was lying on the sofa.

“Fuyu-kun, your new bed is ready,”

“I wondered what you were doing, you were setting up the bed?”

“Well… So, um… I won’t do anything, so why don’t you sleep with me?”

I nervously told him the wish I had in mind.

I was afraid he might reject me.

However, I thought that Fuyu-kun would accept me, and I couldn’t stand still and bet on that glimmer of hope.

“I don’t want to sleep in the bed. I don’t want to go to the bedroom either.”

“A, ah…”

I’ve been pushed aside.

I felt my heart freeze.

“I’m not whining. I’m scared… I can’t explain it.”

“Ah, um, I’m sorry.”

I dropped and my shoulders slumped.

Beds aside, I guess the bedroom as a whole was traumatic for Fuyu-kun. What I had done to him had cause d him such a trauma.

I was again struck by a strong sense of self-loathing, wondering why I haven’t thought about things more carefully.

I repeat the same cheap apology for the umpteenth time.

“If you want to sleep together with me, buy a futon.”

“Eh?”

I wasn’t sure if I just heard a convenient hallucination or not, so I asked Fuyu-kun again.

“If you want to sleep together me, buy a futon.”

“Is that okay?”

“You can do whatever you want. I don’t care.”

His voice was cold, but my heart was saved.

I immediately bought a new futon and a blanket through the internet.

Once the futon arrives, I can sleep with Fuyu-kun by his side.

I felt like Fuyu-kun is trying to move forward in his own way, I felt relieved for the first time in a while.

If we move forward, little by little, one day things will go back to the way they were.

It was as if light was shining in my dark and stagnant heart.

After that, I was allowed to sleep beside Fuyu-kun.

Sometimes I held his sleeping hand, and I was soaked in the happiness.

I prayed that Fuyu-kun, who was sleeping, would feel my warmth, and that my feelings would be conveyed to him.

But in the end, Fuyu-kun’s mental condition was getting worse.