A Story About a Girl who Betrayed her Loved One, Only to Spend her Days in Redemption, Regret, and Despair - Chapter 4
Chapter 4 – Conclusion
My voice does not reach Fuyu-kun.
It’s because I broke his trust, my words cannot be conveyed clearly to him.
When I was having an affair with Yuu-kun, I was addicted to the immoral feeling of betraying Fuyu-kun.
The thick black pleasure was a fresh feeling, and I was immersed in it like a fool.
I did it as if to fill the gap in my heart that had been left open after Fuyu-kun’s absence.
In the recorded videos that Fuyu-kun held, I had said many things that hurt him.
There was no truth in the words I had said to Yuu-kun. I just said them randomly to make myself feel good, but Fuyu-kun heard them all.
My careless words became a blade sharper than anything else and hurt Fuyu-kun.
I desperately told him it was all a lie.
But he doesn’t believe me.
My words are not to be trusted because he no longer trusts me.
Once again, I continue to sit and wait in his yard today in order to regain Fuyu-kun’s trust.
I have to prove with time and perseverance that I really love Fuyu-kun.
That’s all I can do now.
?
“Get the hell out of here, you earthbound spirit.”
“……”
Matsurika swears at me as she waters the flowers in the garden.
It must’ve been very unpleasant for her to see a stranger always hanging out in front of her house.
I am aware of it, but I had no intention to move even for a moment until she calls the police.
“Then why don’t you just submit that video to the police?”
I gave Matsurika the video of me killing Yuudai by inflicting maximum pain on him. Of course, I told her to show it to Fuyu-kun. She must’ve seen it herself, too.
If I get caught by the police, I will be imprisoned for more than 180 days. It’s painful, but I’m fine with it as long as it give Fuyu-kun some relief.
“It doesn’t count since you killed him in an experimental building.”
“…That’s not what happened. I told you that it’s my lover in that footage, didn’t I? Did you show it to Fuyu-kun?”
“I can’t let my Darling see that.”
“…Show it to him. In order to make Fuyu-kun believe me, I made Yuu-kun suffer before killing him..”
“You really are crazy. You’re as selfish as my mother.”
“Never mind that.”
Matsurika stopped talking to me and went back inside the house.
Everyday she swears at me for sitting by the front door, but for some reason she doesn’t force me to leave.
I opened the handmade album I brought from home.
There are three of them, and they are my precious treasures. They contained many pictures of my precious memories with Fuyu-kun.
Just looking at the first photo made my eyes burn and tears well up in my eyes.
I can now only see Fuyu-kun’s smile in the pictures.
Everyday I am here shivering while waiting for Fuyu-kun, except for when I have to go to the restroom.
After a staying like that for a while, I return home after it gets dark.
Such were the days of redemption.
?
Every week, Fuyu-kun and a dolled up Matsurika came out of the house.
Matsurika, who I thought that would never get along with Fuyu-kun, was surprsingly faring well with him.
They are going on a date again today.
“Take care.”
I sent off Fuyu-kun with a smile on my face.
Fuyu-kun looked at me with a sideways glance and went out with Matsurika without saying a word.
I was happy to feel like his newly wedded bride, even if it’s just for a moment.
The thought of them going out on a date made me feel gloomy, though.
“I have to suffer… A lot.”
I’ll suffer many times more than I made Fuyu-kun suffer.
It’s the least I can do to redeem myself.
That day, I waited until midnight, but Fuyu-kun and Matsurika never came home.
Although a painter gave an image of an indoor person, Fuyu-kun often went out to various places to take pictures as reference in order to make good paintings.
While he’s at it, he also loved stopping at an inn and take it easy. He often brings me along too.
We would relax, taking in the beautiful scenery. Taking an occasional picture, going out at night to gaze at the stars, and finally returning back to the inn.
Just thinking about it makes my heart ache.
I wonder if Fuyu-kun is now doing it with Matsurika.
I shook my head and let the bad thoughts fade away.
Matsurika has a rough way with words, and it hasn’t been that long since they met.
She would never do something like that yet.
But if they continue to stay together, it’s only a matter of time before that happens.
A chill that frozed me to the core. The feeling of nausea. I held it down desperately.
I held the album tightly in my arms while looking up at the starry sky, and let out a tear.
Day in, day out. Day in, day out. This is how I live my days in regret.
It’s self-centered and self-gratified. It’s the punishment that I inflicted on myself.
?
Winter passed. Spring came. Summer came. Autumn came. Finally, Winter came again.
Matsurika, who saw me as a nuisance, didn’t try to get rid of me and instead only swore at me. I was never caught by the police.
I stayed by the front door for a long time, greeting “Take care.” and “Welcome home.” to Fuyu-kun.
Fuyu-kun ignored me without saying a word, but sometimes he would look at me, and that was the only thing that made me happy.
Before I go to Fuyu-kun’s house, I always wash my face and cleaned myself up at least a little.
The reflection of myself in the mirror has changed a lot in a year.
My lips had lost their moisture and become chapped. My hair, which Fuyu-kun used to brush for me, is now shaggy. My cheeks are skinny and gaunt. My appearance, which I was proud of, is now a shadow of its former self.
Today, I take the album on my desk and head for Fuyu-kun’s house next door.
In just one year, my three albums, my treasures, are now in tatters.
No matter how hard I tried to stop it, my hands would shake. And despite my efforts, my tears would flow and stain them.
I spend my days in despair, always recalling my memories of Fuyu-kun.
I have three albums.
To be exact, the third album is not yet filled, so I guess I have two and three-quarters of them.
A year has passed, but the third album remains unfilled.
It’s because I have no more new memories of Fuyu-kun.
I have no choice but to dwell on the past memories.
I cannot make new memories with Fuyu-kun.
I felt like I was being crushed by despair.
But I must endure.
The despair that I have now is nothing compared to what I gave to Fuyu-kun.
?
[Okaa-san, are you okay?]
One day I was spoken to by a girl I didn’t know.
She looks somewhat like me, and I think her atmosphere is similar to Fuyu-kun’s.
[… Haruka?]
I knew her name even though this was the first time I’ve seen her.
[It’s going to be alright, Okaa-san.
I’m sure Otou-san will forgive you someday.]
Somehow, her outline seemed to be blurred. I touched her cheek to confirm her presence.
[Okaa-san’s hands are warm…]
I instinctively knew that Haruka was my daughter.
She must’ve came to cheer me up in my moment of weakness.
[I’m sorry, Haruka… Thank you…]
Haruka embraced me as I was sitting down and patted my head with her small hands.
It was so warm that tears welled up in my eyes.
[Okaa-san, I love you…!]
With a shy smile at the end, Haruka’s figure turned into light.
The light spilled out from my hand.
[Wai-]
I tried to grab her, but I failed.
“Haruka!!”
“Haruka? Who’s that?”
It was calm voice.
I looked around for the owner of the voice. A familiar woman was there.
It was Matsurika.
“Where, am I?”
I asked Matsurika and looked around to grasp the situation.
“This is the site of your infidelity. It’s a little dusty, so bear with it.”
I was sleeping in my bedroom with Fuyu-kun, a place that I tainted with my infidelity.
As soon as I realized the situation, my body felt heavy.
“You were lying on the ground in the porch, you know. You really are a pain in the a?s?s?. Also, your family’s not home.”
When she said that to me, I realized the severity of my symptoms for the first time.
A cough, a headache that made me feel faint, and a high fever. Why didn’t I notice?
“If you can walk, go to the hospital. I’ll call a car for you.”
“It’s fine… I’ll rest at home..”
Matsurika looked at me like I’m a nuisance, but she took good care of me regardless.
She already changed my clothes before I knew it.
I tried to leave Fuyu-kun’s house, thinking that I shouldn’t cause him any more trouble.
But instead, I fell down due to my light headedness and my body doesn’t move as it should.
“Would you look at that.”
Matsurika lended me her shoulder, I am forced to lift myself up.
Eventually, she pushed me into the car she called and took me to a hospital.
“Hey, stop making my Darling sad.
Either kill yourself or find a new man.”
“…… I’m sorry. But… I want to be with Fuyu-kun, even if it’s through a wall…”
Matsurika looked sad despite of her reproachful tone, and it remained strongly in my memory. Even though I was vaguely conscious of it.
And when I heard that Fuyu-kun was sad, I was happy even though it was wrong.
?
One day, Matsurika told me that she’s pregnant.
The despair I felt was indescribable, I begged her to tell me that it was a lie.
But Matsurika’s stomach was slightly swollen, and I realized that it was true.
“Give it up already… Like my Darling said, just look forward and live your life as you see fit.”
“No way… I refuse… More… I have to suffer more…”
“I don’t really care, but you’ve suffered enough..”
Holding the tattered album in my chest, I cried in front of Matsurika who was making a troubled face.
I wanted to give birth to Fuyu-kun’s child.
I wanted to give birth to Haruka.
But I couldn’t do it.
It’s all my fault.
A single mistake can destroy everything.
Haruka, the little girl I met in my dream.
I felt like my daughter was disappearing before my eyes.
“Uuuuu…Gueee..U u..uuu”
“Oi Oi, you okay? You’re a real pain in the a?s?s?…seriously…”
I couldn’t stop my body from shaking, so much so that it was almost laughable.
Matsurika rubs my back, and I let out a stream of gastric juice.
I tried to calm my ragged breathing, but I couldn’t do so.
I vomit up the contents in my stomach, which are mixed with blood, and I lost consciousness.
The next time I woke up, I am on the bed in my house.
“I made you some porridge, eat it.
Matsurika said so, as she tries to feed some porridge into my mouth.
I shook my head and refused, saying I had no appetite, but it was no use.
“You just vomited up a lot of stomach juice and blood! You better eat before you start stalking me!”
What’s up with that. I don’t get it.
With a tearful smile on my face, I was forced to eat porridge.
She gave me some over the counter medicine and water and put me on the bed.
“I’m heading off. Take care.”
With these words, Matsurika left the room.
I secretly let out a tear, since it had been a long time since someone had been kind to me. Even though it’s not Fuyu-kun.
Matsurika’s kindness. The feeling of being saved by her warm heart, and the despair of losing the right to bear Fuyu-kun’s first child.
I didn’t care that my pillow was wet with tears and snot. Throughout that day, I kept shedding tears with mixed emotions.
?
When I woke up, I felt the presence of someone nearby and moved only my eyes to look around.
“Fuyu-kun…?”
“Good morning, Sere.”
Is this a dream or a hallucination? I don’t know.
Someone I love, who I’ve hurt, was sitting besides me.
It could be that I, who was crushed by despair, was seeing a hallucination that is convenient for me.
“I asked Auntie to let me in. Sorry I woke you up.”
“Eh..Aa.. It’s fine, really…”
“Here’s an energy drink. I also left some jelly and pudding in the fridge.”
“U-uhm.. Thank you…”
I took the drink and read it’s ingredients without thinking too hard about it. My thoughts wandering around in a daze.
I wanted to say something, but no words came to mind.
The first thing I thought I should say was an apology.
“I’m sorry, Fuyu-kun… for always staying at your porch…”
Fuyu-kun didn’t say anything.
I couldn’t say anything more, the silent space continued for a while.
Fuyu-kun being Fuyu-kun, was silent. He doesn’t seem to be waiting for me to speak.
Just when I was beggining to think that it would be better if we could stay together without talking, Fuyu-kun opened his mouth.
“Matsurika told you, didn’t she? About the child?”
“… Yes, I heard.”
I wonder if he will tell me to stay away.
My presence will be a bad influence on their children in the future.
“I’m happy now.
There have been many hard times.
I can say that I still feel pain ocassionally, but I believe that together with Matsurika, I can overcome it.”
“Fuyu-kun…”
Fuyu-kun looks at me in the eye.
It’s been a long time since our eyes met like this.
“That’s why… Sere…
I want you to live your life looking forward too.
I won’t ask you to forget about me anymore, but don’t let the past hold you back.”
“Fuyu, kun.. Hic…. Ueeeeee..”
My tearducts loosened up, tears fell down without stopping.
Fuyu-kun’s kind words are spreading through my heart.
Fuyu-kun’s prayer.
Fuyu-kun’s wish.
I wanted to grant it.
But I can’t forget.
I can’t look forward.
With my life, I will prove that I will never love anyone but Fuyu-kun.
That’s my purpose in life now.
?
Matsurika gave birth to her and Fuyu-kun’s child after ten months of pregnancy.
It was a girl, her name is Yuzurika.
“Here, hold her. I won’t forgive you if you try to kill her.”
“There’s no way I would do that…”
With mixed feelings, I sat down on the porch and hold Yuzurika in my arms.
Even though Fuyu-kun told me to look forward to life, I didn’t stop coming to his house.
Fuyu-kun didn’t say anything, though he looked a little surprised.
More than that, I was dumbfounded at Matsurika.
How could she let me, the woman who killed Yuu-kun so horribly for my own reasons hold her baby?
Yuzurika, who looked up at me from my arms, somehow looked very cute.
I wonder if Haruka will be like her if she was born.
“Ugh, you’re crying again.”
Matsurika pointed out. I finally realized that I was crying.
Tears drip down from my chin and wet Yuzurika’s cheeks.
“Sorry.. I’m sorry…”
?
I was looking up at the sky from a fixed position today.
I opened my album from time to time as I spend my time in a daze, soaking in the memories.
“Hey, Sere.
You’re doing it again today..”
“Hello, Kana-chan.”
Kana-chan sometimes came and talked to me.
She seems to do so out of interest, not out of pity. She said I was a valuable interview subject.
“Ah, I forgot to tell you.
Congratulations on your marriage. Be happy.”
“Ahaha, thank you?”
Motomiya Kanade, who was an accomplice of the murder I committed, got married a few days ago and successfully changed her last name to Uta. She’s now Uta Kanade.
Even though Kana-chan’s parents were wealthy, she did not throw a wedding.
Kana-chan’s attitude was the same as always despite being a witness to the murder I committed a year ago. Sometimes I feel scared of her abnormality.
While we were sitting in the porch talking side by side, Matsurika opened the glass door and came.
“Sere, Kanade, I’m going to prepare the barbecue.”
While saying that, she started to take out the utensils to use for barbecue from the storage room.
“If you don’t mind me eating a feast, I’ll help you.”
“We’re going to have a barbecue because you’re here.”
“As expected of Matsurika! So kind!”
The high spirited Kana-chan helped out on setting up the barbecue.
“Sere, what about your appetite? Are you feeling all right?”
Fuyu-kun came out from the back of the room holding Yuzurika in his arms.
“I’m fine. Today we’re going to have a feast…”
After the preparations are finished, the four of us sat around the stove, talking about trivial things, and eating meat.
Matsurika and Fuyu-kun couldn’t take their eyes off Yuzurika, so one of them always leaves the circle to stay with Yuzurika.
It was kind of fun. A little happiness, I think I was able to smile naturally.
And from that day on, my daily life changed drastically.
?
As usual, when I came to Fuyu-kun’s house, Matsurika came out of the doorway and called me.
“Come in.”
“Eh?”
“I said, come inside.”
“Why?”
“It’s cold outside! I won’t help you if you get pneumonia again.”
Matsurika looks rough and has a foul mouth, but she’s very kind at heart.
It’s not something that I only learned today, but…
“But still, Fuyu-kun…”
The two of them are newlyweds, right?
Since they’re newlyweds, shouldn’t she stop me from stalking them in the first place?
“My Darling said yes. Now get in here.”
“…. Okay.”
I said “Excuse me for the disturbance” as I stepped into Fuyu-kun’s house for the first time in a while.
When I entered, I met Fuyu-kun in the hallway wearing a work apron.
He looked at me with a faint smile on his face.
“Good morning, Sere.”
“Good morning, Fuyu-kun… Is it fine?”
“Matsurika said so… It’s fine. You can stay.”
With his permission, I went into the living room and sat down on the sofa.
I look around the house suspiciously.
The house has not changed much compared to the past, but there are some details that have changed. I feel a little sad.
I got into the kotatsu and plopped down.
I don’t feel at home.
I was glad that Fuyu-kun had let me into his house, but in the end I didn’t know what to do.
Nervous and anxious, I sweat badly.
I don’t want to be kicked out again. ….
Despite my anxiety, life inside the house was surprisingly peaceful.
I am entrusted with taking care of Yuzurika, cleaning, cooking, and so on… It’s just a normal life.
After finishing dinner, when the sun had set and it was dark outside, I greeted Matsurika and Fuyu-kun goodbye as I go home.
“Stay the night.”
“Eh?”
“You’re coming back tomorrow anyway, right? Then stay the night, it’s a hassle.”
“… Fuyu-kun?”
Not knowing how to react to Matsurika’s suggestion, I looked at Fuyu-kun with a troubled expression.
Smiling quietly, Fuyu-kun told me.
“If you like, you can stay here.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
I decided to stay at Fuyu-kun’s house.
I took a bath, changed into the nightgown I brought from home, and played with Yuzurika by pecking her cheeks.
When it was time for bed, Fuyu-kun went to Yuzurika’s bedroom. This is to cope with Yuzurika’s night crying.
Matsurika and I went upstairs to sleep in the bedroom.
As soon as I enteedr the bedroom, I had a flashback of the times I did it with Yuu-kun.
I felt sick, but not unbearably so.
It was fortunate that I bought the bed before I was kicked out of the house.
I picked the size of the bed in order for me and Fuyu-kun to sleep comfortably together, it even has room with Matsurika added in the mix.
“Come on, let’s go to bed.”
“Okay…”
I get into bed and stared at the dimly lit ceiling, imagining a vague future.
But no matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t figure out what would happen.
“Hey, Matsurika…”
“What?”
“Why did you decide to let me in?”
“… Because you always get sick.”
“Sorry…”
“It’s okay, I don’t care.”
Then the conversation stopped and the room became quiet.
As I was gradually getting used to being alone with Matsurika and dozing off, she suddenly spoke to me.
“You…”
“Eh?”
“You should do your best to make up with Darling.”
“Make up?”
“I shouldn’t have said it like that. What I mean is to get back together with him.”
It was so out of the blue, I didn’t understand.
“Why?”
“Fuyuki and I are lovey dovey, but Darling has always been worried about you.”
“……”
“Stop beating around the bush already, it’s getting annoying.”
“Are you okay with that, Matsurika? I wouldn’t like it if I were you.”
I was grateful for the offer, but Matsurika was too lenient on me that I am reluctant to accept, even though I wanted it so badly.
“You’re so sick in the head, I can’t even feel jealous.”
“That’s terrible…”
“I’ll take care on my end, so you take care of yours.
Let’s end this current s?h?i?t?t?y arrangement.”
Matsurika said so as she turned her back.
I guessed that this was a sign that the conversation was over.
I was perplexed and could not sleep at all, thinking about the future.
?
Since then, I have been living with Matsurika, Fuyu-kun, and Yuzurika.
Although I, a foreign contaminant, was definitely different and a clear distortion to the Obi household, the days passed by without any particular incident.
Fuyu-kun seems to no longer suffer from the flashbacks, and he seems to have healed from the wounds in his heart, he smiling more and more as he used to do.
I was very happy and could not thank Matsurika enough for that.
When Matsurika dealt with Yuzurika’s crying at night, I slept in the bed with Fuyu-kun.
When I held Fuyu-kun’s hand fearfully, he put his strength into it softly.
“Fuyu-kun…”
I don’t know how many times I cried. The warmth of Fuyu-kun’s hand is enough to make me burst into tears.
Time and time again, I asked Matsurika and Fuyu-kun for their permission.
I asked Matsurika if I could touch Fuyu-kun, and Fuyu-kun if I could touch him.
“Ugh, so annoying! Just kiss him already!” Matsurika said as she yelled at me. “It’s okay. I’m fine now.” Fuyu-kun said so softly.
It seems that the conversation had already taken place without my knowledge, and both Matsurika and Fuyu-kun accepted me without saying anything.
The four of us, Yuzurika included, went on a trip together.
The three of us slept together while holding hands, I hugged Fuyu-kun from behind, and eventually Matsurika became affectionate with me, so I hugged her too.
Little by little, I got used to life with the four of us.
Looking at my tattered photo albums, I prayed every day.
I prayed that this daily life would never end.
There were times when I was afraid that Fuyu-kun might suddenly abandon me one day in a grand plan of revenge against me.
There were times when I was distressed to see Fuyu-kun flirting with Matsurika.
When I became emotionally unstable, Matsurika often noticed and helped me a lot.
I think she is a really caring woman. She is so perfect that I envy her.
One day, Matsurika encouraged me to kiss Fuyu-kun.
Fuyu-kun accepted it without any resistance. I am so happy, very happy, that I start to cry.
Fuyu-kun lowers his eyebrows a little and asks me a question.
“Do you really have no regrets, Sere?”
“I’ve always regretted… For cheating on you, for hurting Fuyu-kun… All this time…”
I looked at Matsurika who was holding Yuzurika.
“Matsurika may not like it, but I want to be with the two of you- no, the three of you, forever… I beg you…”
I bowed my head and begged them to continue our current distorted relationship.
“That’s fine. Darling, stop being gloomy from now on. Otherwise, I’ll hit you.”
“Don’t worry…”
“Sere too, the next time you have an affair, I’ll shatter you to pieces.”
“I won’t, I promise.”
I’ll never give up on this happiness again.
?
There were a few things in my new life that were out of my control.
I couldn’t go out alone anymore.
Whenever I went outside alone, within 30 minutes I would start to shake and feel nauseous, and then I freeze up.
I can’t help but imagine that Fuyu-kun will suspect me of cheating on him, even though Fuyu-kun wouldn’t do such a thing. Everytime this happens I had a mental breakdown.
Whenever I go outside, I have to be with Matsurika or Fuyu-kun.
I somehow felt that this was probably a disease that could not be cured any time soon.
Fuyu-kun tries to treat me and Matsurika equally.
However, Fuyu-kun tends to give priority to Matsurika unconsciously.
To be conscious of treating us equally means that we can’t be equal unless Fuyu-kun is conscious of doing it.
When I saw Fuyu-kun unconsciously giving priority to Matsurika, I often felt a sense of hopelessness and became depressed.
Matsurika hugs me and soothes me whenever I get gloomy, even though it must’ve been so troublesome for her to do so.
I really can’t thank her enough.
“Thank you, Matsurika…”
“What’s with you.”
“If it weren’t for Matsurika, I’d probably be dead by now.”
“My mother wanted you to die.”
“Eh, but why?”
I don’t remember mistreating Matsurika’s mother. I haven’t even met her before.
“I felt sorry for you, so I decided not to let you die.”
“I don’t understand…”
“It’s okay if you don’t know.”
She patted my head and went to Yuzurika.
I tilted my head, not understanding what she meant, but I thanked her again in my mind.
?
Three years have passed since Fuyu-kun and I got back together, and I finally had a baby.
Of course, it’s Fuyu-kun’s child.
I was at the peak of my happiness, carrying the child of the man I love in my belly.
I had told Fuyu-kun in advance that the name of our child would be [Haruka].
Fuyu-kun nodded his head and said it was a good name, and I spent my time looking forward to Haruka’s birth.
I hugged Yuzurika, who had grown up so much.
“Yuzurika. You will have a little sister soon, so be a good Onee-chan, okay?”
“?”
Yuzurika’s expression was so lovely that I stroked her small head.
Her eyes narrowed and a happy expression appeared on her face.
“Get ready quickly, Sere.
Today’s pretty busy.”
“Sorry, I’m coming.”
Matsurika tries her best to correct her pronouns so that it won’t be a bad influence to Yuzurika, but so far it’s not going well. [1]
When Matsurika took me for a routine checkup, I was told a shocking fact.
[It’s a boy.]
This is what people mean when they say their eyes had gone completely black.
I was carrying a boy.
I had never doubted that Haruka would be born.
But the little girl who encouraged me in my dream was not here.
I slumped my shoulders and grieved.
?
My heart was not at peace when I went into labor, though my first child was born without a hitch.
Because Haruka sounded like a girl’s name, Fuyu-kun changed the kanji in Haruka’s name from Haruka(??) to Haruka(??) to make it more masculine.
My baby is tiny and adorable. My Haruka.
I was disappointed that it was not Haruka(??), but Haruka(??) is definitely cute and adorable.
But, at the depths of my soul I couldn’t accept him.
Even though he was my son by blood, I felt that it was a terrible thing to love a man other than Fuyu-kun.
Every time I hold Haruka in my arms, I am struck with unbearable fear and despair.
I love and fear Haruka as he slept in my arms.
I told myself that he was my son and Fuyu-kun would not think anything of it, but my body could not accept Haruka.
Eventually, my body started to get sick, and cursing my fragile spirit, I entrusted Haruka to Matsurika.
“Not only you were a terrible fiancée, you’re also a s?h?i?t?t?y mother…”
“…Yes. That’s right.. Really.. I’m the worst..”
“Sigh… I don’t really care. You should get over it someday, that s?h?i?t?t?y disease of yours..”
“Yeah…”
Matsurika understood my abnormality even though she swore a lot, and raised Haruka as if he were her own child.
Perhaps because Yuzurika had Matsurika as a mother, she was already looking after Haruka like an older sister.
Eventually, Haruka stopped looking at me. I desperately hugged Fuyu-kun, wallowing from deep sadness and regret.
“Sere…”
“I’m sorry, Fuyu-kun… Haruka… Everything, everything is my fault… Everything…”
“Don’t cry, Sere.
We’re going to be fine.”
The day when I can truly say that I’m happy from the bottom of my heart will probably never come.
I will always suffer from something, despair, sometimes be overcome with regret, and will keep on apologizing to my beloved son and husband for a long, long time.
I have committed the worst kind of betrayal, and I think such a life is all I can lead.
But still, I am happy.
I have Fuyu-kun, Matsurika, and Yuzurika next to me, as well as my beloved child who was growing up in their warmth.
With this happiness in my heart, I can overcome any hardships and live brightly today.
My third album was finally filled with the many pictures I have taken of Haruka.
Holding the tattered album to my heart, I whisper my love to Haruka who was sleeping.
“I love you, Haruka, Fuyu-kun… Good night.”
TL Note
[1] Most of the time Matsurika stutters (she uses Ore[??] then corrects herself to Watashi[?]) when talking. She’s holding back her tomboy trait in favor of being feminine. I don’t know how to TL that so I left it out.
Haruka (Girl) (??) (Clear Spring)
Haruka (MC of main series) (??) (Sunfire)
This story is a prequel of this series
Zolten
Jesus christ, yeah she did bad, more than most cheaters since she used the houes itself to do it but to make herself suffer through her whole life is kinda sad, even after being forgiven she cant move on.
not to mention she basically did a Dexter on the other guy
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KPV holds promise in the treatment of inflammatory and skin circumstances, but its use is at
present confined to analysis settings. Additional research are
wanted to ascertain its efficacy and safety for clinical use.
Toxins play more of an important function if you
have “faulty genetics,” together with misfires in your
detoxification pathways.
These targeted on tissue repair and athletic
recovery could use the protocol 3 to 5 times per week for four
to six weeks. Research demonstrates that when mixed with LED therapy, this peptide boosts
collagen synthesis by 70%. The copper-binding properties additionally present antioxidant safety
and help nerve outgrowth for tissue regeneration(5). KPV has been reported
to be typically well-tolerated based on the outcomes
of varied animal studies [2, four, 11].
Without sturdy industrial protection, investment in massive human packages
is unlikely. It is a market reality you should bear in mind if you weigh evidence
to be used. In abstract, more targeted analysis is required
to know the potential unwanted effects of KPV peptide.
Perform, mind operate, immune function, and the entire body’s proper operate.
Candida (yeast) overgrowth can invade the intestinal wall lining to trigger
SIFO, small intestinal fungal overgrowth; mentioned above.
Toxic E. Coli species are common culprits in SIBO (small intestinal bacterial
overgrowth) points which I will discuss additional within the next section. As you practice, blood rushes to your muscle tissue,
creating a brief lived “pump” that may linger as post-workout swelling.
Whereas some swelling is regular, extreme irritation can slow restoration, improve ache, and lift injury risks.
This is the place one of the best supplements for swelling come in to hurry up therapeutic and reduce swelling.
TB-500 will increase actin production to assist cell motion and structure.
This peptide therapy part helps with wound remodeling while reducing fibrosis,
the formation of extra fibrous connective tissue.
The peptide works by enhancing fibroblast migration and boosting collagen production. These
actions help restore gentle tissue through multiple cellular pathways while exhibiting potent anti-inflammatory effects(1).
KPV is a lab-synthesized tripeptide manufactured from lysine, proline, and valine.
Its unique sequence enhances anti-inflammatory and
immune-supportive properties.
Wound healing often shows quicker improvements – within days to weeks.
Nevertheless, all the time consult along with your healthcare supplier before
combining medications. Preserve a healthy diet and stay well-hydrated all through your remedy cycle.
Contemplate mixing the peptide with sterile
buffers to attenuate local irritation – this simple step can considerably reduce injection website
reactions. The most necessary think about minimizing unwanted effects
is getting your dosage right. Nasal sprays deposit peptides immediately into the wealthy capillary network
inside nasal passages for fast absorption. These results usually improve as your physique adjusts to the complement,
usually within the first week of consistent use.
KPV has been proven in animal studies to be protected and effective when administered
orally, intravenously, subcutaneously and transdermally (Xiao B, 2017).
KPV exerts its anti-inflammatory perform inside cells, where it inactivates
inflammatory pathways (Xiao B, 2017). KPV enters the cell and interacts immediately with
inflammatory signalling molecules contained in the cell (Land, 2012).
It enters the nucleus of the cell and, once there, can inhibit the interaction of
inflammatory substances and molecules (Land, 2012).
Your physique really makes this naturally as a part of larger melanocortin hormones.
Think of it like your physique’s built-in irritation off switch for specific hassle spots.
While many therapeutic peptides are taken by needle, KPV stands
apart in that it may additionally be administered as an oral capsule or chewable pill.
In addition, these peptides are not to be an various to sound medical recommendation and therapy
from your PCP. They usually are not a therapy for
disease but will assist the efforts of your body to heal itself.
Any supportive complement or peptide will assist the body in its efforts however in the end, it
is your immune and different systems, given the vitamins that it wants, that actually heals.
It was initially discovered and isolated from human gastric juice and unusually, is
resistant to breaking up even in the gastric juice.
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Our in vivo experiments showed that orally administered KPV
significantly decreased irritation in DSS- and TNBS-induced colitis.
KPV lowered lack of body weight, colonic MPO activity, and markedly decreased
histological indicators of inflammation and pro-inflammatory
cytokines mRNA levels. This work constitutes
the primary report of KPV-mediated discount of colitis.
Our in vitro experiments advised that this anti-inflammatory role of KPV results
from inhibition of pro-inflammatory mechanisms in each IEC and immune cells.
Human intestinal epithelial cells (Caco2-BBE and HT29-Cl.19A), and human T
cells (Jurkat) have been stimulated with pro-inflammatory cytokines
in the presence or absence of KPV. KPV anti-inflammatory effect was assessed utilizing a NF-?B luciferase gene reporter, western blot, real-time RT-PCR and ELISA.
Uptake experiments were carried out utilizing chilly KPV as a competitor for hPepT1 radiolabelled substrate or utilizing [3H]KPV to determine
kinetic traits of KPV uptake.
I’m not saying they don’t work, and I also don’t suggest that you just stop something “cold-turkey.” We know that these medicine all decrease a laboratory biomarker known as
TNF-alpha. We don’t but know if decreasing this marker will scale back disease activity in people.
Nonetheless we know that TNF-alpha is likely a toxic lab worth that we’d in all probability
favor to get as low as possible, it doesn’t matter what.
If that’s the case, then the next “in vitro” data is related.
• KPV is a tripeptide consisting of the amino
acids Lysine, Proline & Valine, linked by peptide bonds.
Whether you’re fighting irritation, digestive dysfunction, or immune imbalances, this highly effective
compound provides a protected, intelligent solution backed by science and trusted
by experts. Zero critical side effects found in animal or human studies – even at high doses.
The KPV peptide is a tripeptide composed of lysine,
proline, and valine, known for its anti-inflammatory properties.
The way ahead for IBD treatment may properly include a combination of biologics, small molecules, and peptides like
KPV. As analysis continues to uncover the molecular pathways involved in IBD,
the therapeutic panorama is expected to evolve, offering new hope to patients worldwide.
Moreover, PepT1-mediated anti-inflammatory medicine can be developed, which could be
therapeutically helpful for people with inflammation in the intestines.
When KPV Peptide enters the within of our cells,
KPV-Peptide interacts with inflammatory signalling molecules and penetrates
the nucleus, inhibiting the interplay of inflammatory substances.
KPV was decided to be the minimal effective sequence needed for ?-MSH to exert its
inflammation-lowering properties. The ongoing research into KPV peptide additionally contains investigations into its
role in biofilm prevention and disruption. Biofilms are
protective layers formed by microbial communities that make
them highly resistant to traditional antibiotics.
Research suggest that KPV can inhibit the formation of biofilms and disrupt present
ones, additional broadening its applicability in treating persistent infections [R].
Sodium bicarbonate buffers defend the delicate KPV tripeptide through acidic
stomach environments.
Though the consequences of KPV are pretty particular and in a slender range,
it still has a systemic utility within the human physique.
Seems like KPV and BPC-157 are the 2 leaders in phrases of using peptides for enhancing overall intestine
well being (likely via the reduced production of pro-inflammatory compounds).
We know that approximately 25% of the population is genetically unable to acknowledge and clear mould toxins,
leaving them weak to all sorts of medical problems together with fatigue, mind fog
and leaky gut.
A important a half of KPV’s promising health results is related to its precursor hormone,
?-MSH (alpha-melanocyte-stimulating Hormone). Subsequent, by lowering
oxidative stress, the KPV peptide helps the body’s ability to maintain total cellular well being.
This is important as a end result of oxidative stress has been linked
with quite a few persistent situations, together
with cardiovascular diseases and neurodegenerative problems.
For instance, one animal research discovered that KPV aided
within the recovery of animals suffering from a stroke.
In particular, multiple research have reported success in providing KPV earlier than and through ischemia, which is when blood move is
lowered to the brain.
In this context, the peptide KPV may also help using supporting
the gut barrier. It can promote healing contained in the intestinal lining and assist cut back the release of inflammatory chemical substances like TNF-alpha and IL-6.
However whereas intestine problems like bloating, cramps, or continuous an infection take over, day-to-day existence looks as if a battle.
If this sounds familiar, it may be time to look past standard treatments.
One choice catching consideration is the KPV peptide, a small but highly effective compound that
will support intestine health in ways that matter. GHK-Cu
peptide, in contrast, is renowned for exciting collagen and elastin synthesis,
that are essential for preserving skin firm and youthful.
It additionally supports wound therapeutic and pores and skin renewal,
making it a beautiful element in anti-aging analysis.
Nevertheless, as with all peptide therapies, correct supervision by a qualified provider is essentialfor optimal
dosing, timing, and combination with other interventions.
At Peak Health Institute, our providers decide one of the best type and dosing based on yourpersonal health goals, symptoms, and test outcomes.
?? E-book your peptide session at present at KiyaLongevity.com
Expertise skilled care, cutting edge science, and customized
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and the way they are often integrated right
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available through RevolutionHealth.org—ensuring excessive purity, FDA-monitored sourcing,
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safe cutting regimen advice
Throw in different variables like dosage, cycle size,
stacking compounds together, existing well being points – and potential steroid
side effects can become much more complex. Some individuals will use it for months; others
will prohibit themselves to a six or 8-week cycle.
This all is dependent upon your objectives and if you’re stacking it
with steroids, SARMs, or other fat-burning PEDs.
Scientific issues budding from these altered physiological processes result in scientific
effects like testicular dysfunction, acne, gynecomastia, and neuropsychiatric issues.
Regardless Of potential therapeutic advantages, AAS use is
prohibited by the World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) due to issues over opposed well being results.
This evaluate highlights the molecular mechanisms,
physiological processes, and scientific problems arising from the extreme use of AAS amongst
athletes. Even so, many of the research reviewed
had a lack of enough control and standardization.
Calls to any general helpline listed on this web site could
additionally be answered or returned by a paid advertiser that is a licensed
treatment provider. There isn’t any obligation to enter treatment,
and we do not receive any fee or charge based mostly on which
provider you select. All calls are confidential, and
the knowledge on AddictionResource.com is for informational purposes solely and
never an alternative to professional medical safe cutting regimen advice.
Any drug that affects or changes the homeostasis (the inside workings and methods of the
body) of one’s pure state, will have an impact. With all the knowledge, attention, and debate over performance-enhancing medicine (or PEDs), many individuals need to further perceive how performance-enhancing medication have an effect on one’s physique.
It’s an essential space of concern for athletes and on the foundation of why USADA
and other anti-doping organizations exist. Merely put, PEDs have
the ability or potential to drastically
alter the human physique and organic capabilities,
including the power to significantly enhance athletic efficiency in certain situations.
These medication, nevertheless, could be extraordinarily harmful and, in sure conditions, lethal.
The adverse effects these medication can have on one’s physique make USADA’s mission paramount as to
why no athlete ought to ever have to think about PED use to reach sport.
Moreover, caution should be taken when interpreting these markers in AAS customers.
LDH, AST and ALT are expressed in skeletal muscle tissue, and their
serum concentrations can remain increased for at
least 7 days after intense muscular train corresponding to weightlifting (110).
Contemplating that the typical coaching routine of an AAS user entails at least three to six classes per week of at
least one hour, that is bound to affect these markers.
Subsequently, ideally, measurement must be carried out after at least 1 week of
abstinence of exercise.
Proviron is another compound worthy of consideration for a standard slicing cycle.
It’s also a DHT-derived oral steroid, however it’s thought-about one of the more
milder compounds. If the selection is between Masteron and Primobolan, most of us will go
along with Masteron, which can (and should) be run at
a decrease dose. Greater doses of Masteron can lead to extreme muscle tightening; 300mg per week of Masteron will present
the most effective results for many customers.
Speaking of melancholy, it’s a standard unwelcome guest in the
steroid user’s psyche. The synthetic highs induced by these substances can lead to crushing lows when the
consequences put on off or when use is discontinued. It’s
like your brain’s reward system has been so overstimulated that
it struggles to search out joy in everyday life.
And let’s not neglect about anxiousness – that fixed companion that whispers doubts and fears,
at the same time as your muscle tissue develop stronger. Steroids,
these highly effective chemical compounds which
have found their method into each medical remedies and athletic performance
enhancement, are way more complicated than meets the attention. They’re not simply muscle-builders or
inflammation-fighters; they’re mind-altering
substances that can reshape our very notion of reality.
So whilst steroids sound like a quick-fix, these medicine
could have massive implications in your well being and may
by no means be used recreationally.
This evaluate suggests that AAS misuse and abuse lead to opposed results in all body
tissues and organs. This review reveals that long-term administration of excessive doses of
AASs may lead to critical penalties, similar to hypogonadism, cardiac impairment, neurodegeneration, coronary artery disease and sudden cardiac death.
The most reported long-term unwanted facet effects affect the cardiovascular system, similar to cardiomyopathy and atherosclerotic illness.
Hypogonadism is a frequent finding in AAS abusers and must be
considered when AAS use is suspected in order to undertake aggressive treatment [8,120].
It has been advised that the incidence of cancer in different tissues is strictly positively correlated to the
number of stem cell divisions within the lifetime
occurring in them [50].
Fotos de Transformação com Anavar
As you’d count on, the quantity of each steroid you take and the
way lengthy you use it will primarily influence its detection time.
With higher doses, your metabolism works to break down more of
the steroid at its pure price of metabolism. Greater doses may end up
in slower hormone metabolism because the body works more durable with its available enzymes and other
substances concerned in the metabolic process.
This classification makes it illegal to own, use, purchase, or promote anabolic steroids and not utilizing a valid
prescription from a licensed medical skilled. The use of steroids for non-medical purposes, such as enhancing athletic performance, isn’t
solely unlawful but also poses important health risks.
The main reason people misuse anabolic steroids is
to extend lean muscle mass when using them at the facet of weight training.
Some athletes, bodybuilders and others misuse these medication in an try to
reinforce efficiency and/or improve their bodily look.
As these dietary supplements proceed to gain popularity, it is important for
customers to analysis the best options and purchase from reputable sources to make sure
effective and secure outcomes. Engaging in regular train is essential for building muscle mass and
improving your physical performance. A combination of
strength training, cardio, and adaptability workout routines is not going to only assist
you to to see faster results with legal steroids but additionally
contribute to your total fitness, stamina, and
endurance. One well-liked mixture entails stacking legal steroids with protein supplements.
This combine provides your body with the essential vitamins
it must repair and grow muscle tissue while additionally enhancing energy
and endurance. Protein supplements, corresponding to whey or casein, are glorious sources of amino acids and assist promote muscle recovery after
intense workouts.
DHT additionally appears to be damaged down in skeletal muscle by inactivation to 3?-androstanediol by the enzyme
3?-hydroxysteroid-dehydrogenase (20, 21). Indeed, changes in fat-free mass in response to graded doses
of testosterone are unaffected by DHT suppression with the potent 5?-reductase inhibitor dutasteride (22).
The conversion of testosterone to DHT shows saturable Michaelis-Menten kinetics
with an estimated in vivo Km worth of 3.35 nM (23).
Bioactivation by way of this pathway into a stronger
androgen does not seem to happen for any of the opposite generally used AAS (24).
During treatment with anabolic steroids, clinicians should periodically acquire the patient’s lipid profile, hepatic operate exams, hemoglobin, hematocrit (at three to six months, then every year),
PSA, and testosterone levels. Sufferers on testosterone should be
monitored for his or her response to remedy and opposed results 3 to 6
months after initiation of remedy after which every year, particularly for cardiac opposed
occasions. Ladies treated with testosterone for
breast most cancers require monitoring for
signs of virilization.
This could be possible in select instances which show biochemical proof of primary hypogonadism (elevated gonadotropin ranges with low testosterone levels),
however evidence is missing. The lack of proof notwithstanding,
some AAS users resort to ancillary medication – corresponding to minoxidil and
the 5?-reductase inhibitors finasteride and dutasteride – to counteract potential hair loss.
While the effectiveness of 5?-reductase inhibitors is clear in scientific practice (75), their use in the context of excessive dosages of testosterone and/or other AAS is unproven and dubious at finest.
Any DHT-lowering effect might be simply compensated for by the increased androgenic
action of supraphysiological circulating testosterone
ranges. One notable exception is nandrolone, which is converted into
dihydronandrolone (DHN) by 5?-reductase. Nevertheless, whereas testosterone is converted into the more
potent androgen DHT by 5?-reductase (21), the conversion of
nandrolone into DHN yields an androgen with considerably decrease binding affinity for the AR (77, 78).
Consulting with healthcare professionals or experienced health advisors can present personalised steerage and assist people optimize their Anavar
usage for achieving their specific health objectives.
By following a structured cycle, customers purpose to maximise
the advantages of Fotos de Transformação com Anavar
whereas minimizing potential risks and unwanted effects.
Understanding the vital thing elements and issues of an Anavar cycle is crucial for attaining desired
results and sustaining general health and well-being. Lastly, Anavar binds
to androgen receptors in the body, triggering particular cellular responses.
This activation can lead to increased muscle strength, improved restoration, and
enhanced athletic performance general. Taking these precautionary measures goes a great distance in guaranteeing that you
enjoy the benefits of authorized steroids without compromising your safety.
With lots of of sales every single day, we are the largest
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For many people in the realm of bodybuilding and efficiency
athletics, the search for steroids on the market on-line often revolves around the want to
enhance strength and endurance. Synthetic compounds have gained reputation for his or her capability
to promote muscle growth, improve mass, and elevate power ranges.
As a result of our exams we determined that the principle functioning and operation of anabolic steroids in a body provides
one with details about their difficult nature. These steroids get into the cell system where they bind to androgen receptors.
Within the nucleus, this advanced carries out a crucial function of regulating gene activity.
One integral factor of this impact is the advance in protein synthesis.
This process is crucial for muscle progress and regeneration as a outcome of it
increases the speed at which a body rebuilds and develops stronger muscle tissue effectively.
Finances more if you’re going for the pricey compounds and minimizing your use of ancillary compounds.
Steroids which have more powerful androgenic properties would
be the steroids that will trigger virilization quicker and more severely than steroids which have a decrease androgenic rating.
Some steroids are completely off-limits to females because of this; they’re
too androgenically highly effective to be of any positive benefit to ladies.
By far, the most important and regarding side impact for males using steroids is the way
the introduction of synthetic hormones into the body
slows down or typically shuts down, the conventional functioning that
produces testosterone.
The fee at which this happens strongly depends on the carboxylic acid group that’s
connected onto the father or mother molecule at carbon 17 of
the steroid nucleus. This attachment – esterification of the 17?-hydroxyl group
– significantly retards the release of the compound from the oil depot by growing its partition coefficient,
i.e., making it more lipophilic and fewer hydrophilic.
As Quickly As the esterified steroid molecule reaches the systemic circulation, both
through direct diffusion or lymphatic drainage of the interstitial fluid,
esterases cleave off the ester group, releasing the parent compound (7).