I Will Never Submit to Miss Grim Reaper - Chapter 146
Chapter 146: Let’s Build the Blocks of Childhood Together
Li Denghua’s situation is pretty much as I guessed. Her academic abilities are actually not a problem, or one could say they are excellent. The reason she struggles in Chinese and English is very likely not because she “can’t learn” but rather “doesn’t want to learn,” or perhaps intentionally portrays herself as performing poorly in these subjects to gain attention.
Based on the small notebook resembling “essays” found in Li Denghua’s backpack, I can deduce the kind of state this child was in at school before. She appears to be closer to her father, possibly raised by him since childhood, and their father-daughter relationship is very deep. There might be some conflicts with her mother, but due to her father’s busy work schedule and infrequent visits, she has to live with her mother. To have more opportunities to meet her father, she intentionally makes her Chinese and English grades look bad, hoping to “trick” her father into paying more attention to her.
In the sixth grade of primary school, most students should have mastered the majority of characters, and at least writing a diary or composition should not be a problem. Li Denghua, however, uses quite a few pinyin substitutes for Chinese characters in this “essay” notebook. I guess there are two possibilities: either she wants to prove that her Chinese grades are really bad, or she’s just lazy and can’t be bothered to look up the characters she doesn’t remember in the dictionary—after all, it’s a personal diary-like thing, and she must have taken the most convenient approach.
This feels similar to how some people write their mathematical calculations neatly in their draft books, while others just write however they feel comfortable. Li Denghua probably also thought about the possibility of passing this notebook to someone else in the future, so she mentally prepared herself for the idea that “the contents here may be seen by others,” or perhaps she even intended to use this notebook to tell someone about her thoughts.
Don’t ask me how I know this, because when I was a child… I did something similar. Back in primary school, our homeroom teacher who also taught Chinese would ask us to write diaries. Every time we finished writing, the homeroom teacher would collect everyone’s diaries and correct them, leaving comments. At that time, if I had something to say but didn’t dare to speak it out loud, I would write it in my diary, and I’d be mentally prepared to have the contents of my diary made public.
For example, when the welfare home’s cafeteria food was not tasty, I would express my dissatisfaction in the diary, write various suggestions, and then record a few types of food I liked, fantasizing that after handing in the diary tomorrow, the homeroom teacher would see it and tell our cafeteria chef to prepare the dishes I liked.
Children’s thoughts are sometimes so innocent and naive.
Based on the same empathy, I can easily imagine — when Li Denghua wrote these sentences, she had already envisioned showing the notebook to someone in the future and hoped that the person reading these sentences could help resolve her troubles. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have needed to bring such a private notebook with her today.
Additionally, judging from the words in the small notebook, it seems that Li Denghua’s popularity at school might not be very good. Combining her gloomy expression when I asked her at the café, “Do you not have any other friends at school?” with the words in the notebook, my intuition tells me that this little girl is probably the type who is often excluded by her classmates.
I know that feeling.
Back when I was living in the previous apartment, I belonged to a similar type. At that time, the neighbors upstairs and downstairs liked drinking, going out to party, or nightclubbing. They would discuss where to go to pick up girls. However, my interests and hobbies were mostly online. Every day after work, I played games or watched anime. When neighbors asked me to join them for drinks, I said no. When the building manager offered me cigarettes, I declined. Gradually, I was excluded from the “social circle” of the apartment and became the odd one out among the men.
However, since it was the world of adults, even though the neighbors in the apartment thought I “didn’t seem like a man,” they didn’t directly approach me for trouble. They wouldn’t gossip in the group chat, and on the surface, everyone remained polite. If I had any issues, I could go to the building manager, and they would help resolve the problems. It was just that they weren’t as enthusiastic as others.
But children are different. Kids express their likes and dislikes openly. They don’t have the same level of smoothness and understanding of social norms as adults.
Li Denghua often wins awards in subjects like math and physics competitions, and teachers consider her a “genius.” Among parents, she is frequently used as a benchmark for comparison with their own children, being referred to as the “child from someone else’s family.” When their own kids perform poorly, these parents might say things like, “Look at Li Denghua, always getting perfect scores. How about you?” When children misbehave, play too much, or neglect their homework, parents might say, “She’s so obedient, look at Li Denghua, who comes home after school and voluntarily does her homework. Do I have to remind you?”
Over time, Li Denghua’s popularity tends to decline. Some kids who don’t like her might even encourage others not to play with her. Additionally, Li Denghua herself seems to have a somewhat introverted personality, not talking much, not explaining herself. She’s busy reading and studying every day, which can make her isolated in the class.
?I’ve clearly done my best?
?Why?
?Hate it, hate it?
?Fort Da! Fort Da! Fort Da!?
?Los! Los! Los!?
Took a little time to check Li Denghua’s somewhat messy “essays” in the notebook, and I feel a bit overwhelmed.
This family… has quite a few issues, it seems. Not just Li Denghua herself, but her mom and dad as well. The way they educate their child might be a little problematic.
At least so far, I haven’t met Li Denghua’s dad. I roughly know that he works in the Shenzhen Craftsman District, researching advanced physics.
“Anyway, these are other people’s family matters. I’ll focus on my own job.” Thinking like this, I rubbed my eyes a bit, did some eye exercises, and glanced at the clock on the front podium.
It’s 7:50, still ten minutes until class ends.
Hmm… nostalgic. It’s been a while since I returned to the campus like this, sitting in the classroom and “listening to the class.” Back in primary school, I felt too small and bullied everywhere, longing to quickly get to junior high as a “senior student.” Once in junior high, I felt that only in high school could I truly be an “adult.” Upon entering high school, the pressure of various studies instantly came crashing down, and I thought graduating high school and going to college would be the right path. In college, I thought I could finally have fun, but then I became a university student, dealing with the nagging of counselors and the influence of student unions, feeling restricted everywhere in life. I thought it would be better to enter society sooner, achieve financial freedom, and live freely.
In the end, only after becoming a corporate drone did I realize… the student era is the most relaxed and worth reminiscing about. But we can’t go back.
During our student days, we didn’t have employment pressure, didn’t need to consider the various complexities of adults, and didn’t have to worry about issues like unemployment and not having enough to eat. In school, we could make various friends every day, someone specifically supervised our daily routine, and our physical condition was at its best.
“…” Putting Li Denghua’s “essays” back into her backpack, I rechecked this backpack, which even I felt a bit heavy carrying. I took out several books from inside.
“Elementary Physics,” “Elementary Chemistry,” “Elementary Biology,” “Appreciation of History”…
These books should all be supplementary subjects, quite thin, at about half the level of a Chinese language book. In addition, there were textbooks for “Physical Education and Arts,” “Information Technology,” “Social Practice,” “Computer Use,” and so on in this backpack.
Is primary school getting a bit too demanding these days? If I remember correctly, the addition of subjects like physics, chemistry, and biology starting from the fifth grade in elementary school seemed to be a policy announced by the Shenzhen city government a few years ago. Back then, the whole country was advocating for “reducing the academic burden,” but Shenzhen announced openly that they would add new courses starting from the fifth grade. This move, which went against the trend, drew criticism from various sectors of society. I remember the intense online criticism directed at Shenzhen at that time.
By the time I reached third grade in elementary school, our curriculum added two more subjects: “Art” and “Computer.” It wasn’t until fifth grade that we got “Elementary English,” where we started memorizing ABCD, and in sixth grade, we began learning basic English sentences like “How are you?” In comparison, current elementary school students have physics and chemistry interest classes in the fifth grade. By the sixth grade, they’ve already completed basic English dialogues and are starting to write short compositions. This made me can’t help but sigh— the pace of society is getting faster year by year.
“Um… hello.”
Just as I finished checking Li Denghua’s textbooks and exercise books, noting down various issues of this little girl, the elementary school girl sitting next to me, Zhou Xiaofei, leaned over and whispered, “Are you good at math?”
“Huh?” I snapped back from the chaos of elementary school textbooks. “Well… I guess I’m okay.”
Was she asking me a question? Even though I’ve been away from school for a long time, I probably wouldn’t have any issues with elementary school problems—high school-level questions are a different story. The high school-level questions from our era might now be classified as elementary school problems. I can’t go back and review trigonometric functions and quadratic equations.
“I’m not very clear about one math problem.”
Sure enough, under my gaze, the girl shyly handed over her exercise book and math textbook. “Can you help me with this? Why is the value of “q” 4?”
“Wait a moment, let me take a look.” I took Zhou Xiaofei’s math textbook. “Is it the third question?”
“Yeah.”
“If pq = 4q and p + q = 8, what is the value of q?” [1]
I quietly read the question, furrowing my brows slightly. Well, I knew it. The elementary school problems of this era already encompassed some of the high school problems from my time.
“Because here, 8 subtracted from 4 is 4.”
Seeing the question, I patiently explained to Zhou Xiaofei, “Dividing this variable by the same variable is equal to one.”
“Why is that?”
“Because…” I glanced at the teacher at the podium, trying to explain in sentences that a child could understand, using a few examples from daily life.
“Do you understand now?”
“Oh…”
Zhou Xiaofei seemed lost in thought. “Understood.”
“Let me ask you a question too.” As I watched the clock on the podium approach eight o’clock, I focused on the girl beside me. “Do you know about the ‘Butterfly’?”
“Butterfly?”
“It’s related to the previous Class 3 of the sixth grade. One year ago, the entire sixth-grade Class 3 graduated, and the teachers said there was something for Li Deng… uh, for me. It’s called ‘Butterfly.’ Do you know what it is?”
“Oh, I’ve heard of it. About this Butterfly… it’s the name of a doll.”
“A doll?”
“Yes, there’s a stationery store next to our school that sells it. It’s different from ordinary dolls, it’s a kind of doll where you can write messages on its dress, similar to a yearbook.”
Zhou Xiaofei explained in a hurried manner, “There are many small paper pieces on the doll’s dress, and you can write on them. During graduation, friends write a few words of blessing on it. It’s a toy similar to that… I don’t know how to explain it.”
Talking about this, it seemed like the girl’s ability to express herself was a bit lacking. “After school, you can go to that stationery store and see for yourself. I’m a boarding student, so I can’t leave.”
There’s even this kind of terminology…
So, the so-called “Butterfly” is just a toy? Did Li Denghua see this toy being sold in the stationery store and buy it to let her classmates write messages on the dress? Knowing that she would have to take a leave of absence for hospitalization and wouldn’t be able to attend the remaining graduation ceremony, did she buy this toy beforehand and place it on her desk, hoping her classmates wouldn’t forget her and would write messages?
If that’s the case, I seem to understand why she was hesitant to come and get this “Butterfly.” Li Denghua’s popularity in the class isn’t good, and she probably anticipated the possibility of graffiti or insulting messages being written on the doll when she went to pick it up.
This is indeed a bit of a headache.
“Ding-ling-ling-ling—”
Just then, the wall clock pointed to eight o’clock, signaling the end of the class.
“Thank you.”
Feeling that I had collected enough information, I quickly put the books on the desk into my backpack, zipped it up, and said to Zhou Xiaofei beside me, “Help me watch this. I’ll go talk to the teacher about something.”
Zhou Xiaofei nodded understandingly, “Sure.”
“Teacher.”
Stepping briskly towards the platform, I briefly explained the situation to the female teacher who was busy grading assignments.
“The situation is roughly like this: Li Denghua is a bit hesitant to come and get that butterfly doll herself. I wanted to ask if…”
After explaining the background, in the teacher’s expression, which resembled that of seeing an alien, I calmly said, “Is the doll that Li Denghua placed on her desk still there?”
“Are you sure you’re not joking?”
The teacher took quite some time to recover from her surprise, scrutinizing me for a while, “Are you… really an adult?”
“Yes.”
I took out my wallet from my pocket, found my ID, and handed it over, saying, “Here.”
“Yin Nuo’er… born in 2003… Is this for real?”
The teacher looked surprised, “You look no different from the children in the class…”
“Well… that’s not important.”
To prevent the teacher from asking more peculiar questions, I quickly continued the conversation, “So, do you know where that doll is?”
“I know about Li Denghua’s situation in Class 6-3, I am their homeroom teacher.”
Standing up from her chair, the female teacher returned my ID and walked towards the classroom entrance, saying, “Follow me.”
I hurried to catch up.
“At that time, Li Denghua had almost no friends in the class. She didn’t talk much, and the girls didn’t like her, while the boys enjoyed teasing her.”
Walking along the bright corridor of the teaching building, the teacher sighed, “At that time, these small toys and keepsakes were popular in the class, and they loved to buy similar souvenirs like friendship books, paper cranes, and so on. Li Denghua did buy a small doll and approached me, saying that if she hadn’t recovered and been discharged from the hospital by the time of the graduation ceremony, I should take the doll and let her classmates write some blessings on the notes under the doll’s skirt.”
“At that time, I didn’t bother to check what the children wrote, I just said to put it in Li Denghua’s drawer after finishing.”
“Later, Li Denghua never came back until graduation, and I put away her doll.”
Leading me to the ground floor of the office building next to the teaching building, the female teacher took out a key and opened the door of one of the offices, then turned on the lights with a “click.”
“Did Li Denghua ask you to bring it back for her?”
“Yes.”
After a moment of thought, I said, “Teacher, do you know why she’s hesitant to come and take it herself?”
“Well, I also have some responsibility for this matter.”
The teacher seemed a bit awkward. She walked over to a large cabinet, opened its door, and took out a dirty doll from inside. “I didn’t notice this thing and left it in Denghua’s drawer all the time. I was too busy with work, and when I remembered, it looked like this.”
In the light, I saw that the doll in the hands of the female teacher was covered with dust, with many doodles and scratches on it. Taking the doll, I roughly examined this dirty little fellow.
Its originally beautiful eyes were circled and crossed out several times with a ballpoint pen, and one eye had even been dug out, revealing a large hole. In addition, there were several lines of small words on the doll’s face:
?Blind?
?Impressive Grades?
?Fat Pig?
?Wu Zihao was here?
?Can’t see anything?
Lifting the doll’s skirt, I found many notes with words written inside.
?Hope you can recover?
?Wishing you good health?
?Happiness and joy?
Compared to the graffiti, the words on these notes under the skirt were quite normal. These notes served as a support for the skirt, making the doll’s dress look fluffy.
This scene made me completely understand why Li Denghua didn’t dare to come and take this doll. “Butterfly” should be the name of the doll, similar to a life-sized doll I saw online called “Little Butterfly.”
“Thank you.”
Taking the doll in my hands, I took a deep breath to calm my emotions. “Do you know where nearby I can buy another one?”
“At the stationery store near our school gate.”
Seemingly feeling a bit guilty, the female teacher walked towards the office door. “How about I take you there?”
“No need, just escort me out of the school.”
I carefully held the doll. “But before that, I want to say goodbye to Xiaofei in the classroom.”
The teacher in front of me half-jokingly said, “Not bad, strong social skills, making friends as soon as you arrive.”
To this, I just smiled. “There’s nothing scary about little kids.”
Back at the teaching building, I put Li Denghua’s doll back into my backpack. I briefly told Zhou Xiaofei about my sudden need to go home, then followed the female teacher out of the Starlight Elementary School gate.
“Follow this road straight, then turn left. There’s a row of shops on the other side, and the first stationery store you see will be it.”
At the school gate, the female teacher still had that apologetic expression, “I’m sorry for the trouble, the supervision in the class was not sufficient, and some boys were a bit mischievous at that time.”
“It’s okay.”
I waved my hand to indicate that I didn’t mind, then walked towards the road the teacher pointed to, carrying the small backpack with Li Denghua’s doll inside. “Goodbye, teacher. I might come back to play when I have time.”
“When you come back next time, what role are you planning to play?”
“I don’t know, maybe a parent?”
“……”
The sky was completely dark at eight in the evening, but fortunately, there were many streetlights near Starlight Elementary School. The main road was well-lit, making it easy for me to find my way.
“Boss.”
At the stationery store mentioned by the teacher near the school, I walked straight in and took out the severely damaged doll from my backpack. “Do you still sell this?”
“This?”
The store owner, a young lady who seemed to be in her twenties, first glanced at the doll in my hand, then frowned and said, “How did it end up like this? Did you get bullied by your classmates?”
“I didn’t”
“So, do you have this model available here?”
“Yes.”
The young lady didn’t hesitate and led me to a display case. “Do you want Butterfly or Alice?”
These are the names of the dolls?
“I want one that looks exactly like this.”
I said, “Preferably one that has been sitting for a long time or has been unpacked, showing signs of wear. Do you have any?”
“What are you planning to do with it?”
Although curious, the store owner led me to a small warehouse inside the shop. “There’s a sample here, unpacked for over a year. Do you want it?”
“Yes.”
“Wait a moment, let me see if it’s still here.”
With a puzzled expression, the young lady squeezed into the storage room and searched for a while. She came out holding a doll that looked somewhat dirty, similar to the one I had in my hand. “This one, do you want it?”
I took the doll and checked it. “Yes, how much is this?”
“The original price for ‘Butterfly’ is 98 yuan. I’ll give it to you for 50.”
I tried to negotiate, “Can you do 30?”
Without a moment’s hesitation, the store owner agreed, “Sure.”
Well, I still feel like I ended up on the losing side.
“Alipay, please.”
With the doll in hand, I walked to the shop’s entrance, used my phone to make a payment, and said, “Scanned.”
“Alright.”
Perhaps noticing my school uniform, the store owner gestured towards nearby autograph books and origami cranes. “Almost graduating, huh? Do you want to buy something else?”
“No, thanks. I’m not a child anymore.”
After paying, I didn’t pay much attention to the store owner’s reaction, hurriedly went back to Starlight Elementary School, stopped in a relatively quiet corner, and checked the time on my phone.
I’m running a bit late. Sorry, Sister Ouyang.
After 8 p.m., there would be significantly fewer customers in the cafe, but regardless, since I had agreed with Ouyang Xue to take a one-hour break, I needed to go back. Even if no one came to the cafe during this time, as an employee there, I still had to stay at my post.
Being a person means keeping promises.
There’s no other choice.
Thinking that I might not have enough time to walk from here to the cafe, I dialed Yin Xiamo’s phone number.
“Help me find a way out.”
After the call connected, I lowered my voice, “Go to the second-floor bathroom and open the door. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, I won’t be able to return on time. It’s urgent.”
“Pfft…”
Accompanied by Yin Xiamo’s mocking laughter, a purple rift opened beside me in no time.
Jumping into the rift, when the world brightened again, I found myself back at the cafe.
“These elementary school students these days are really not easy to deal with.”
Looking at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, dressed like an elementary school student, I sighed lightly and placed the two dolls on the nearby table.
If I have some free time later, I need to spend a bit of time taking down the more normal messages under the doll’s skirt and sticking them onto the new doll.
“It seems my little kitty has experienced the life of a little loli?”
Yin Xiamo, dressed as a maid, looked at me like I was a fool, “What did you gain?”
“The gain is that I understand the progress of this 3rd world country. Now, even fifth graders are starting to learn physics, chemistry, and biology. I feel that in a few more years, they’ll be learning programming and developing artificial intelligence.”
How is the job vacancy advertisement nowadays? Hiring employees, specifically requiring candidates with a maximum age of 20 years old and 30 years of working experience.
“Well… anyway, as long as our little Nuo’er is responsible for being cute.”
Yin Xiamo beside me looked at me, who was almost undressed, with the expression of a wolf seeing a lamb, “By the way, Nuo’er, have you been exercising your abs during this time?”
“I just habitually exercise my body, not just my abs.”
I picked up the maid outfit, “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, nothing, it’s fine. Strengthening the muscles in the waist, improving physical fitness, so as not to faint during some special events.”
“Hmm?”
It was only at this point that I noticed this girl had been spinning around since I started changing clothes, “Alright, alright, get out.”
“No! Can’t you let me finish watching?”
“You’re also a girl yourself.”
I said in frustration, “What’s so interesting about watching others get dressed?”
“It’s very interesting, especially when Nuo’er is putting on socks.”
“Wait, I’ll stuff the socks into your mouth later.”
“Please do.”
“I don’t care about you.”
I gave up on the idea of kicking this girl out, and while putting on socks, I said, “If you’re free, help me deal with that doll later. Stick the messages from the damaged doll’s skirt underneath onto the good one.”
“Why do that?”
“For…”
I thought about it for a moment.
“For making a certain child who regains their light believe in it.”
“……”
……
I was just bored, so I did these calculations.
