I Will Never Submit to Miss Grim Reaper - Chapter 153
Chapter 153: The Season I Miss the Most [1]
The structure at the bottom of the crayfish lake is still the same as in memory, with lots of mud and sand. From a distance, it looks like a gradually changing jade artifact. The sinking phone stirs up the nearby water, lifting milky shallow sand and light mud. It feels as if it’s digging its own grave, sinking in, and then the sand slowly settles, burying the phone.
Although over the years, the lake’s surface area has reduced significantly, the current visible diameter is still over a hundred meters. The water at the center of the lake seems quite deep. Considering that this medicinal botanical garden is already remote, and very few people know about it, even if someone happens to take the only bus route (route 7) to this botanical garden, they wouldn’t explore the paths near the lake, let alone dive to the lake bottom to find this phone. So, it seems unlikely that the phone will be discovered in the next few years.
In less than half a year, the lake water will completely corrode the faulty circuits of those phones, and the photos and records stored in the data storage will disappear forever.
Just like Yin Xiamo throwing away the Hero’s flute, I have also discarded everything related to “Yin Shiren.” I believe that the longing endured by the girl beside me has been much heavier than my own.
Yin Shiren is just an ordinary person. From childhood to adulthood, he has not done anything great or “astonishing.” He was picked up by the welfare institution and lived, studied, graduated, and lived a plain life together with other children who were also parentless. Unlike those child prodigies who received special awards in school or those versatile kids who performed on stage, Yin Shiren did not excel to the extent that would cause teachers to worry, nor did he achieve enough to be singled out for praise and publicity. From childhood to adulthood, while other kids around him excelled in martial arts, played the piano, sang, or took the stage to represent the class in singing during the New Year’s Eve party, Yin Shiren was often just a member of the audience applauding for them.
Even when we were kids, gathering around this crayfish lake to catch fish, shrimp, and pick fruits together, he could only take care of building fires and cooking. In college, Yin Shiren’s presence in the dormitory was not strong. He didn’t smoke or drink, and he didn’t have strong friendships with the male dormmates. His gaming skills were not outstanding, and he mostly did odd jobs in school clubs. I believe that even now, if you show Yin Shiren’s information and photos to his “good friends” from college, they would need some time to recognize and realize – oh, him, remember him, he’s… Oh, haha, hahaha.
Even after entering society, Yin Shiren didn’t achieve anything significant. From childhood to adulthood, he never had a girlfriend and lived in his own small world. His daily routine involved going to work, coming back, occasionally buying games, becoming a member to watch anime, using a second-hand phone, and minimizing the computer configuration. He didn’t actively pursue girls, didn’t have close friends, and there wasn’t much in this world worth holding onto.
Now thinking about it, such an outcome is actually the best for the “me” or rather Yin Shiren of the past. I once signed an organ donation book, theoretically, if I died under normal circumstances, my body could help many people. However, that’s only under normal circumstances.
The apartment’s property management only cares about whether tenants pay rent and utility bills on time each month. They don’t inspect the rooms daily like in university dorms. If the tenant has a good relationship with the property management or has a fixed schedule, it’s manageable. However, tenants like “Yin Shiren” who have poor relations with neighbors and rarely leave their homes are not the focus of property management attention. If, one day, as Yin Xiamo mentioned – irregular routines, skipping meals, triggering some cerebrovascular disease, suddenly fainting – if something like that happened, and he fell to the ground, it’s likely that no one would notice for three or four days.
When that time comes, and a sudden death occurs, it might take several days before anyone notices. The organs in the body won’t be suitable for donation. The physiological functions of adults generally start declining around the age of 30.
In other words… for the “Yin Shiren” approaching 30 years old, donating his body and organs at this time would be the most appropriate. A simple birth, living an ordinary life, and then, at an age when his organs are still in excellent condition, sacrificing himself to give a chance at life to kids like Lu Xinmeng and Li Denghua who are in need. This kind of life, at least in my view, seems sufficient.
Especially after becoming friends with the optimistic and cheerful Lu Xinmeng, and understanding the challenges faced by Li Denghua, a precocious child, as a prodigy, I feel even more that Yin Xiamo’s choice at that time was not wrong.
Yin Shiren, an ordinary and unremarkable person, I can choose to forget, but what about Xiamo? She, who defeated the Demon King and, in a way, is considered the “savior” of that world, the “Grim Reaper” with a rounded up existence. For her to forget her past, bury the once-hoped-for “Hero” who saved her life, seems not to be an equivalent concept to abandoning the past like I did.
“……”
After embracing each other, under my gaze, I saw Yin Xiamo slowly walking towards the lakeside. Her cute black and white Lolita shoes stepped on the moss-covered small stones at the shore. Standing straight, she folded her hands in front of her and bowed slightly to the lake.
“May the spirits in the lake bless me and Nuo’er, eternal happiness. Bless Nuo’er to always be happy.”
In a ritualistic manner, Yin Xiamo again bowed towards the lake.
“Bless Nuo’er to quickly get used to and like the bodies of girls, and then become my little wife…”
“Hey!”
I, standing beside her, felt something was off. “What strange things are you saying?”
“It’s best if Nuo’er becomes infatuated with the bodies of girls, gets addicted, and turns into a little pet that meows for milk when I’m not around.”
“Yin Xiamo!”
The warmth that had been cultivated a bit from her previous confessions was completely shattered by the girl at the lake. I quickly walked to Yin Xiamo’s side, but was a bit worried about getting mud on the new shoes. I had to carefully walk along the more solid ground.
“This isn’t the place for making wishes!”
The crayfish lake, in my impression, has nothing to do with “making wishes.” It’s a place for leisure and relaxation. Since I can remember, the crayfish lake has been here. At that time, the city’s finances were tight, and the workers at the medicinal botanical garden had a challenging life, taking care of children from the welfare institute. They couldn’t even have enough to eat. Coincidentally, there was a large abandoned pond here. So, the suggestion was made to utilize the pond for fish farming and vegetable cultivation.
Back then, the grassy area not far from the crayfish lake was filled with vegetable gardens. Workers from the botanical garden and uncles and aunties from the welfare institute were responsible for taking care of the nearby wild duck population. During the wild ducks’ egg-laying season, the welfare institute’s dining tables would have a considerable amount of duck eggs and fish and shrimp.
The atmosphere was somewhat similar to some villages. People in the city at that time believed that this area of the medicinal botanical garden might develop into a “hundred surnames” village. No one anticipated that decades later, with the expansion of Shenzhen City, this area would be categorized into the “Honor District.” The vegetable gardens from childhood disappeared, the wild ducks no longer flew in this direction, and the once beautiful lake became the current stagnant water. At this rate, in the coming decades, it’s likely that no one will pay attention to this lake again. The water will gradually evaporate and disappear, turning into grassland. My phone will sink into the ground with the sediment, becoming a permanent memory.
“It’s okay. As long as your heart is sincere, the gods can hear your wishes no matter where you make them.”
Facing my protest, Yin Xiamo turned around, holding the edge of her skirt with one hand and giving it a light shake. “You agree, right, little Nuo’er?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
I shook my head repeatedly. “By the way, I’m an atheist.”
“Oh, really?”
Gently jumping down from the stone, she walked a few steps to my side. Yin Xiamo lifted my chin with one hand. “Then, who is in front of you?”
After a brief thought, I replied, “An otherworldly demon.”
“And what about this body of yours?”
With both hands holding my face, the girl in front of me looked down at me, “I know everything, you know? Every night when Nuo’er goes to sleep, she’s like a shiny seashell on a silver beach. Only her mouth is tough, but if you carefully enter her heart and open those two snow-white cracks, you can touch the softness inside you.”
“Nuo’er claims to be an uncle every day, but in reality, her heart and body are softer than any girl’s, not just soft. When a certain shining pearl inside you is touched by a beloved person, it will immediately reveal the sweet nectar of a kind heart…”
“What a bunch of nonsense.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at Yin Xiamo’s earnest expression, pushing away her hands holding onto mine. “When did your vocabulary become so rich?”
“The culture of this country is vast and profound, you know? Otherwise, how could I have held it in for so many years before coming to find you?”
The girl also seemed happy that my mood had recovered, “Speaking of which, I changed you into this on my own… you should be used to it by now, right?”
“Not yet.”
I lowered my head and moved my small feet, clad in soft lace socks and round-toed little shoes. “It’s only been a few days. How could I possibly be used to it!”
“Well then…”
Yin Xiamo brought her little head close to mine. “You don’t dislike it, do you?”
Dislike it?
Yin Xiaomo’s innocent look, tinged with a hint of cunning, made me involuntarily turn my head to the side: “Ah… um…”
How should I put it… this kind of thing.
At the beginning, I did feel a slight dissatisfaction with being transformed from a big man into a delicate little girl. It was like breaking a habit. After all those years of being a man, suddenly someone comes along, kills your original body, and turns you into someone else. Most people would find it hard to adapt and feel discontented.
If I have to articulate it, my “discontent” mostly stemmed from the bodily “changes” rather than the gender itself. I don’t have that kind of machismo, nor do I believe that women are inherently “inferior” to men. If those types of people were turned into girls, they might really struggle with “why am I a woman.” In my case, it was more about the various discomforts that came with the bodily changes.
Of course, there was a tiny bit of discontent about transforming from a man to a little girl, but it gradually disappeared due to various comparisons in daily life.
The most apparent differences between being a man and a current little girl are strength and height. Initially, due to ingrained notions, I instinctively thought “being tall is good” and “having great strength is excellent.” After becoming a little girl, the first noticeable change was the height. However, after living with this body for a few days, I gradually realized that being a bit “smaller” doesn’t seem as inconvenient as I imagined. The rental room’s door is two meters high, and regardless of whether I’m 1.8 meters or 1.4 meters, I can go in and out easily. Climbing stairs, I can take one step instead of two. When cooking, a small stool can easily make up for the lack of height.
Similarly, my strength is smaller now, but not to the extent that I “cannot live.” I can lift regular tables, carry groceries when going out, and it seems completely sufficient for daily life. Moreover, having less strength and a smaller stature has its advantages. I used to need to eat a lot of food, but now about half the usual portion is enough.
This feeling is like… using a high-powered vacuum cleaner to suck up cat hair. It has strong suction but consumes a lot of power. One day, it switched to an ultra-compact portable vacuum cleaner. The power is lower, it saves energy, and since cat hair is so light, it can still be easily sucked up.
Apart from strength and height, the most noticeable gender differences remaining might be the usual trips to the bathroom and menstruation.
Boys can just stand there and shake it off when going to the bathroom. Girls, on the other hand, have to squat, carry toilet paper, and during their period, they need to prepare sanitary pads or tampons. It can be uncomfortable, and the mood may become restless, lasting for almost half a week.
These two points can indeed be classified as “inconveniences” for girls. However, having lost some “convenience” in the body, what have I gained?
As a little girl, in today’s peaceful society, the mainstream views are all about “protection,” “care,” and “consideration.” Occasionally, when I take the bus, someone might offer me a seat. In offline gatherings with the author and others, they instinctively want to “take care” of me because they see me as a girl. I even got a job as a café maid because of this, something that would have been impossible in my male days.
Girls can wear various types of clothing as they please, but conversely, men can’t wear women’s clothes. Besides, as a little girl, my body is in the period of youthful vitality. Issues like insomnia that older men face simply don’t exist for me. I can sleep soundly every day, wake up full of energy the next day, and face the world with a more vibrant spirit.
Also, my body has become more agile, limbs more flexible, and vision clearer. However, these can be classified as “getting younger,” unrelated to gender. If we talk about gender-related aspects, it’s waking up every morning and looking in the mirror, or changing clothes. Seeing my beautiful and cute body makes my mood very good.
In fact, when calmly analyzing it, transitioning from an uncle to a little girl isn’t that difficult to accept. I also understand that the decision to “reincarnate the hero as a little girl” is largely because Yin Xiamo wanted to be closer to me. There is also a part of the previous life’s hero bearing the consequences of their own actions.
Regardless, even if I feel shy about it, both emotionally and logically, I have to admit – Yin Xiamo’s choice is right. The theoretical comfort of living as a little girl is supposed to be better than living as an uncle.
Speaking of “comfort,” girls can wear light and airy nightgowns after taking a bath, smelling delightful from head to toe. If it were a man… I find it a bit difficult to imagine that scene. Coming back from work, hastily taking a shower, then putting on boxers to sleep – it’s an entirely different style from Yin Xiamo.
Why does something feel off?
At the edge of the crayfish lake, facing Yin Xiamo’s inquisitive gaze, I started to overthink and had a bunch of random thoughts. There’s an intuition of “something seems wrong but I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
Since when did I start to think that… being a girl might not be so bad? Or as Yin Xiamo said, have I unconsciously been influenced by this body?
However, when analyzed rationally, it does make sense, right? Living as a cute little girl does seem more comfortable than as an ordinary uncle. So, what’s not right here?
“Since Nuo’er doesn’t mind being a girl, let’s make a deal here.” While saying this, Yin Xiamo took my hand and turned towards the lake.
“Today, we’ll let the Lake God bear witness. From now on, Yin Nuo’er is Yin Nuo’er, a very cute child. And as Nuo’er’s guardian, we’ll be together for a lifetime.”
Huh? Is this a kind of “sworn brotherhood” in this otherworld?
“Hurry, Nuo’er, come here.”
After completing the “prayer” to the lake, the girl beside me pulled me over. “Quickly, say it to the Lake God. Nuo’er is very cute, and in the future, Nuo’er will be Xiamo’s wife!”
“What on earth is this!” I instantly became alert. “There are no gods in this world, right?”
“Well, I’ll compromise a bit. Nuo’er just needs to say, ‘Nuo’er is very cute, exceptionally cute, cutest in the whole wide world, meow.'”
“Are you willing to go as far as giving up on being a wife just to make me like being a girl?”
“Eh? Does that mean Nuo’er would prefer to be my wife? So that’s how it is… Wife! Kiss!”
“Let go of me, weirdo.”
*Squelch*
“Why did you lick me!”
“……”
……
After playing around by the crayfish lake with Yin Xiamo for a while, and with the sun about to pass overhead, we walked out of the small woods and returned to the shaded main road of the medicinal botanical garden.
Just as I remembered, even at this suitable time for a walk, there were not many people around the medicinal botanical garden. Whether it was the golf course nearby with a sign saying “Closed” or the various shaded paths around, it was all empty, and all you could hear were the crisp calls of various birds.
“Along this way, there’s a very large flower field, especially beautiful.”
Walking together on the main road of the medicinal botanical garden, I pointed towards the several large trees at the end, “The flower field was planted in the last few years. I saw photos online, and it’s particularly beautiful. Do you want to take a look?”
“Sure!”
Yin Xiamo held onto my wrist, “Where are we going today, darling? It’s up to you.”
“You’re getting more and more cheesy.”
I didn’t push this guy away, feeling the warmth of the girl’s soft little hand against my skin. My attention shifted to the shared bicycles nearby.
“They even have bikes here?”
Walking to one of the bicycles, I tried scanning the QR code on it with my phone.
Surprisingly, it actually worked.
I bent down, inspecting the bike.
The bike was very new, and judging by its design, it seemed to have been manufactured and deployed in the city just within the past year. Unlike the “adult” mountain bike I had in my rented room, this one didn’t have a high seat, making it possible for even someone like me, a kid, to sit on.
In recent years, with the gradual popularity of the sharing economy, bikes like this one in Shenzhen City could be found everywhere. Shared bikes, shared umbrellas, shared power banks, even the currently popular “cloud gaming” is essentially “shared computers.”
The light blue shared bike in front of me didn’t differ much from those in the city, it was probably ridden over by someone nearby who forgot to put it back. Although the medicinal botanical garden was somewhat remote, there were still dozens of visitors every week. Some people liked the fresh and natural environment, when life’s pressures mounted, they came to see the big trees and listen to the birdcalls—it’s free, after all.
Speaking of which, I remember riding a bike is supposed to be muscle memory. Does my current body retain those skills?
“Nuo’er, I want to ride this one!”
While I was contemplating whether to pay and try riding the bike, the girl next to me had already taken the initiative to sit on the bike’s rear seat.
“I read a lot of rural love stories in the manga before. Couples in the stories always ride this kind of bike when they go out, creating a special atmosphere!”
“So, you’re planning to experience that kind of rural love story?”
I tried sitting on the front of the bike, ensuring both feet touched the ground. “Won’t this skirt get caught in the wheels?”
“It has a protective device here.” Yin Xiamo gestured to the guard under her, “It’s okay, it should be fine!”
“Alright, let me give it a try.”
I used my phone to scan the QR code, unlocking the bike.
“I don’t know if I can still find the balance.”
I pushed the bike forward with both hands on the handlebars, then started pedaling. The bike wobbled and swayed as it moved forward.
“Be careful, be careful! Nuo’er might fall, be steady!”
“I… I know, but I’m not very used to this yet…”
“Keep it up, keep it up! Nuo’er is the best!”
Initially, due to the lack of experience, I, with the girl behind me, swayed from side to side. I often had to put my feet down to support the bike. Later, whether it was the balance of this body being well-taught by Yin Xiamo or some muscle memory still intact, I gradually gained balance, lifting both feet off the ground—
“Wow!”
In the scene of continuous backward motion, I started to ride steadily with Yin Xiamo on this tree-lined path.
“Yay!”
The girl behind me first hugged my waist, then let go. “Now, Nuo’er and I have beautiful love memories described in manga. I want to engrave this memory into our DNA!”
“Don’t engrave weird things into DNA!”
I, ahead, felt a bit helpless. “And this is just an ordinary shared bike. Don’t most girls like cool racing bikes?”
“Do you think someone of my age would like that kind of thing?”
Yin Xiamo’s mood seemed genuinely good. I could feel her burying her entire head on my shoulder from behind. “Being together with the one you love, even if it’s just living in a tree hole, every day is sweet and lovely.”
“……”
The slightly cool summer breeze continued to brush against my face. With each pedal I pressed down, a gentle breeze passed through my hair and skirt, bringing a refreshing sensation. Faintly, I could smell the unique and subtle fragrance of the girl behind me.
After a few seconds of silence, I gently spoke, “Xiao Mo.”
“Yes?”
The girl behind me lifted her head from behind me and asked, “What’s wrong?”
“All this time, I’ve made you suffer.”
Suppressing the pounding of my heart, I whispered, “Although I don’t know what you’ve done or experienced since you came to Earth, I… I’m just an ordinary person who may never know what has happened over these thousands of years, and I can’t give you much. I can only comfort you like this.”
“……”
“Fool.”
The girl behind me took a while before saying, “I’ve told you, your existence is already the best gift for me. Don’t be so sentimental!”
“It was you who was being sentimental by the lake just now.”
I protested, “I have to be sentimental in return.”
“Hmm? So, in Nuo’er’s eyes, being sentimental means being sentimental in return?”
As we spoke, I felt a pair of small hands slowly moving up along my waist, finally stopping at my chest. “If I tease Nuo’er like this now, will Nuo’er do the same to me tonight?”
“Hey! We’re riding a bike, you shouldn’t… Oh!”
“……”
Well, being teased by Yin Xiamo, I remembered another inconvenient aspect of a girl’s body. That is sensitivity, particularly high sensitivity. Whether it’s the earlobes, collarbones, armpits, belly, thighs, calves, or little feet, I almost feel something with just a touch. Moreover, the “sensitivity” of a girl is unbearable. While a man can endure and move on, a light touch on me makes my whole body go limp, and I can’t move.
This also results in the fact that when sleeping with Yin Xiamo at night, I’m usually the one pleading for mercy under her. I’ve never had a girlfriend, so I have no idea what a girl is like. However, Yin Xiamo knows all the weak points of my body, and when playing around, I have absolutely no means of defense.
“Let’s… get off the bike first.”
Bringing Yin Xiamo to the entrance of a path at the end of the medicinal botanical garden, I parked the bike, then scanned the code to end the rental.
“There’s a large garden up ahead. At the end of the garden, there’s a small slope with a tree on top. We can go there first and sit for a while, maybe have some water.”
While speaking, I noticed Yin Xiamo carefully surveying the surroundings and couldn’t help but ask, “What’s wrong?”
“Ah… nothing,” Yin Xiamo snapped back, “It’s just that this place… is a bit secluded. If something happens to an ordinary girl coming here, people outside wouldn’t easily hear it.”
“Really?” I explained, “Although it’s a bit secluded, I wouldn’t come here alone usually. It’s not like we don’t have each other.”
“Oh,” Yin Xiamo revealed a strange smile, “It’s nothing. Let’s go in.”
“Why do I feel like you suddenly became mysterious?”
“Really, there’s nothing. Come on, let’s go. I want to see the garden!”
“……”
……
The Season I Miss the Most (??????): It’s a song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysA-p9qcWCw