I Will Never Submit to Miss Grim Reaper - Chapter 22

“Marisa’s Iron Butt” and “Divine Pet Pipi” are the two people I have the best relationship with in the Yae-Do Novel’s official author group.

My acquaintance with Divine Pet Pipi began with a sleepless night. He was awakened by his child, while I was troubled by work and book-related worries, leading to nightmares that jolted me awake. We both vented about the challenges of life in our group chat, and slowly we got to know each other.

Divine Pet Pipi is actually quite well-known within the author group. He is humble, outspoken, and, despite being a best-selling author, he never adopts an air of superiority. He often helps new authors with their writing and doesn’t show off his achievements or play the “pretend to be poor, act like a tiger” game in the group.

The so-called “pretend to be poor, act like a tiger” in the author group refers to some prominent authors who like to claim they have no income from their work every day, or they frequently declare how low their writing skills are. They often say things like “my new book failed again” or “my income is so low this month, I’ll have to eat dirt.” Whenever they do this, someone in the group usually chimes in kindly, saying, “Is it really that bad? How much did you earn this month? What’s the title of your book?” These authors then continue to “modestly” claim, “My performance is very poor” or “I can’t compare to the big names, I’m just a no-good.” At this point, curious new authors in the group usually ask for the title of their book and whether they can take a look.

By this time, these esteemed authors still act as if they’re deeply upset and say, “Don’t bother asking, my performance is so bad that I can’t even stand to look at it.”

“I can’t compare to the big authors, I’m thinking about changing careers.”

“My earnings can’t even cover your pocket change. Sigh, I’m just worthless.”

After repeatedly making these self-deprecating comments, one or two slightly more experienced small authors in the group often timidly come forward and say, “Although I may not be of much help, I’ve been writing for a year or two. What’s the title of your book? Maybe I can take a look,” and then they share their own works.

Typically, these small authors have around ten to twenty thousand followers and earn around two to three thousand in royalties each month. They may genuinely think the esteemed author is a newbie and wants to write a good book, so they kindly offer to assist.

When someone finally shares their book’s statistics, the author who was pretending to be a newbie just toying with them would promptly display their own novel’s data – boasting about eighty to ninety thousand followers and earning over a dozen million in royalties each month.

“See, my statistics are so bad, right?”

“I only make over ten million a month, I can’t survive.”

The statistics screenshots of the two books formed a stark contrast in the group.

Immediately, a wave of praise such as “So terrifying,” “Your earnings are still considered low?” and “So you’re a big shot, my apologies” would flood the chat.

Scenes like these play out almost every month in the novel group.

Some prominent authors genuinely enjoy this “pretend to be poor, act like a tiger” game, frequently trying it in the author group. They first disguise themselves as struggling authors, complain for a while, then coax out the relatively average mid-level authors to reveal their novel statistics. Afterward, they reluctantly reveal their own earnings, shocking everyone.

As someone who had once reached third place on the site’s overall sales rankings, Divine Pet Pipi really disliked this kind of behavior. Several times, I saw him confront authors who pretended to be struggling despite having achieved some success.

“Do you think this is fun? If you can’t continue writing, then don’t. If you find a hundred thousand in royalties insufficient, then don’t take it, or donate it.”

“Indeed, it’s garbage. One hundred thousand in royalties is only a fifth of my last month’s subscription income.”

“If you can’t handle it, find a job in a factory instead of flaunting it.”

In these moments, I felt that… Pipi was the kind of person who could be straightforward.

Due to his frequent confrontations with the upper and middle-tier authors who indulged in vanity by putting down new authors, Divine Pet Pipi had a bad reputation in some author circles. However, he was very popular among middle and lower-tier authors.

In any case, our relationship was quite good. We went from venting about the difficulties of life to helping each other with our novel work and eventually playing games together, where we’d exchange playful insults in voice chat, like “You noob, can you even play?” and “I’m your father.” My relationship with Divine Pet Pipi had become quite similar to that of real-life “bros.”

It’s widely known that the only true measure of how close two guys are is whether they can freely exchange insults while playing games.

If two guys use voice chat in games to say, “Hey, kids, who’s up for a game?” instead of the more formal, “Does anyone want to play?” then you can be certain their bond is as strong as it can get.

Moreover, Divine Pet Pipi is a family man. He got married at the age of 24 and is now 27, with a three-year-old daughter. Men like him usually don’t cause major issues.

As for “Marisa’s Iron Butt,” he’s a good friend of Divine Pet Pipi. Their introduction to each other was similar to mine. One day, Pipi invited me to play games and brought along Marisa. That’s how the three of us formed a group.

“Marisa’s Iron Butt” is a 32-year-old bachelor, having never been in a relationship for his 32 years. Due to family circumstances from a young age, he ventured into the world at 16 and is still unmarried. He works as a freelancer, not only writing books but also engaging in activities such as selling gaming equipment, coding, and computer and phone repairs. He’s repeatedly said in voice chat that he won’t get married in this lifetime, living only for himself. He’s a complete otaku with a strong affinity for technology.

The “Marisa’s Iron Butt” meme originates from the Touhou Project, and it’s from the same era as “plenty of strange bird-shooting incidents.” In a fan-made fighting game with a “Touhou” theme, there’s a character called “Marisa,” a magical girl who has a move where she uses her butt to tackle opponents. This move has very high hit-stun, is nearly impossible to interrupt, and possesses powerful super armor properties. Anyone hit by this move gets knocked far away, so it’s been dubbed “Marisa’s Iron Butt.” “?” (pronounced “kao”) means “butt” in this context.

Unlike the somewhat refined Pipi during our chats, “Marisa’s Iron Butt” gives off a slightly sociable vibe in games. He’s talkative, cheerful, and seems to know a bit about everything. He’s especially generous with us authors, who are theoretically his peers. I remember one time when my computer’s hard drive broke, and I didn’t have enough money to buy a new one. That evening, I didn’t join them for the game, and “Marisa’s Iron Butt” readily sent me 500 yuan to buy a new hard drive, saying, “Pay me back when you can, no need to fuss with a brother.”

Although our relationship was quite strong after all those years of chatting in the group and playing games together, this was the first time we were meeting in person.

What surprised me even more was that “Marisa’s Iron Butt” had such a high level of social skills. Just as I walked by, he stopped me casually.

“Hey, aren’t you…?”

Seemingly feeling that it was somewhat impolite to flag down a young girl so casually, the middle-aged man with glasses who sat in the middle chair, presumably Divine Pet Pipi, looked a bit flustered. He quickly pulled “Marisa’s Iron Butt” over and lowered his voice, saying, “Cut it out. There are cops everywhere outside.”

“What are you thinking? I was just saying hi. I recognize the hat she’s wearing. She‘s from the Sixth Destroyer Fleet.”

Marisa stood up from his chair and asked me, “Hey, little sister, are you also a Kantai Collection player?”

“Uh… well…”

I wasn’t sure how to explain, “I’ve never played the game, I’ve only seen the anime.”

“Heh, it suits you,” he said with a chuckle.

Marisa had a very polite demeanor, saying, “You’re so cute, and your voice is adorable. Please forgive me, but it’s the first time I’ve seen such a cute girl… I couldn’t resist chatting with you. I hope I didn’t bother you.”

I shook my head and replied, “Not at all.”

“Thank you.”

Marisa seemed genuinely pleased and asked, “Are you here alone? Is school on break today?”

I chuckled, covering my mouth, and said, “Yes, I’m alone.”

“You’re okay with that?”

The tall and muscular guy, who looked like a bodybuilder, seemed somewhat amazed and said, “Marisa, your social skills are maxed out, huh?”

Marisa replied, “Where? This young lady here is the social butterfly. Typically, when cute girls like her see us middle-aged guys trying to chat, they just shake their heads and run away.”

Marisa seemed a bit embarrassed by the compliment and looked at me. After hesitating for a moment, he asked, “Little sister, do you have any social media accounts? QQ? WeChat? Or Weibo? Can we exchange contacts and be friends?”

Divine Pet Pipi couldn’t help but laugh and said, “I can’t believe it. Marisa, you sound just like a strange middle-aged guy now.”

Giving Marisa a somewhat disdainful look, Divine Pet Pipi took out his phone and said, “Our dear middle-aged guy who loves cute girls isn’t showing up. He’s missing out on such a cute little girl here.”

He then did something on his phone and held it up to his ear.

“…”

The next moment, my phone in my pocket rang, right in front of these people.