I Will Never Submit to Miss Grim Reaper - Chapter 320
Chapter 320: Takeout Kitten
Originally, I thought that working as a delivery person with Dolly and Yueyue would involve delivering at most two or three orders. Once the two little ones got used to human rules, they could return to working at the café. However, I didn’t expect this to cause such a huge stir online.
?Have you heard? That café in Shenzhen City launched a maid delivery service. It’s super fast, with the new horse girl, cat girl, and Nuo’er making the deliveries themselves.?
?What? They finally got it right? Previously, I waited over forty minutes for my delivery, and the taste even deteriorated.?
?I’m really curious how they found so many high-quality girls. This is terrifyingly amazing—a beautiful café where even the delivery people are gorgeous.?
?Shangjing Cat Café can quickly create their own delivery service. Unlike Genshin Impact, in 2020 Genshin Impact announced that the game would be able to be played on the Nintendo Switch, but until now that hasn’t happened. It’s been 3 years now!?[1]
Everyone in my readers’ group, the café’s WeChat group, various other 2D and gaming groups, and even the Editor Catnip’s author group are all discussing this, complete with pictures and text. You can see it as soon as you open your phone.
?QQPicture20220609152319.jpg sent by another group. Cute, right? Before, everyone said Nuo’er was tiny, but without a reference. Now look at this box—Nuo’er can actually sit inside it.?
?This is too cute! Oh my gosh, are they here to sell cuteness? Hiding in a box just like a kitten…?
?Right? Many groups are sharing it, saying they only ordered one Beggar’s Chicken, and the cosplaying horse girl delivery girl brought Nuo’er along. She knocked on the door, and then the cat girl opened her bag. Nuo’er poked her head out from the bag and handed over the delivery… Just imagining that scene feels healing…?
After the first collaboration, I set some simple rules for Dolly and Yueyue. For example, even though they can accept four or five orders at once, the first one must be delivered no sooner than fifteen minutes, creating an illusion for the customers that “this rider is fast but not unbelievably so.”
In other words, apart from the first delivery, Dolly and Yueyue can run at full speed. Once they’ve delivered the first order, there’s no problem with them quickly heading to the next customer’s house.
The current delivery apps and customers’ phones don’t monitor the riders’ locations in real-time. Most people don’t stare at the delivery icon on their phone for half an hour after placing an order.
Even if there are such bored customers, sometimes their phones lag due to poor signal or WiFi issues, causing the rider’s location to blink sporadically. So, even if Dolly and Yueyue appear to be “teleporting” on the map due to their fast running speed, theoretically, no customer would find it suspicious.
If needed, we could turn off the real-time tracking of the riders and only provide an approximate location.
However, when the three of us deliver together, the situation is different.
“Nuo’er, why don’t you all deliver together until the end of the day?”
After I finished explaining everything to Dolly and Yueyue and had a quick wash in the café’s bathroom, Ouyang Xue, who had been discussing clothing designs with Su Yunjin on the basement level, came over. She said, “The buzz is escalating quickly. I think we can take advantage of this momentum. Xiao Mo, Li Chen, and I will handle things here.”
“Buzz?”
I was a bit puzzled. “What happened?”
As an idol and streamer, Ouyang Xue has always been very sensitive to trends and buzz. However, since I had just returned from delivering a few orders, I didn’t know what she was talking about. It wasn’t until she prompted me to “check the QQ WeChat group” that I took out my phone to look at the messages in the group.
?@Little Xia Nuo Does Not Hide in the Cardboard Box Group Owner, you’re famous again!?
?Nuo’er is just too cute, I can’t take it. The person who took this photo is amazing, the angle is perfect.?
?I never expected that our middle-aged group owner would turn into a little loli. Definitely following now.?
Then I saw discussions in various groups about the “new Shangjing maid cat café delivery service.”
Only then did I understand that the scene of me sitting in the cat carrier, delivering with Dolly and Yueyue, had been photographed by two customers. The first customer was a girl who came out with her phone, exclaimed “So cute” when she saw me poking my head out of the cat carrier, and took several photos in rapid succession. I didn’t pay much attention since this kind of reaction had become routine at the café.
What I didn’t expect was that this female customer would post the photos in her group, and her group members would compile and share them in other groups. The cuteness of the pictures spread quickly, and they were forwarded to numerous groups. Almost every popular group knew about the “three girl delivery staff” from the café.
The most outrageous part was that one of the deliveries Dolly and I made was to a streamer with over 200,000 followers. He was live-streaming from home when he ordered the delivery. While streaming, we delivered the order, and the moment of “Nuo’er poking her head out of the cat carrier to hand over the delivery” was captured on his live stream. Someone clipped that moment and uploaded it online instantly.
“The big data from Tongmeng Network shows that discussions about your delivery service are skyrocketing. In a few more hours, it might even trend.”
Seeing that I had briefly glanced at the group messages, Ouyang Xue said, “I suggest we take advantage of this and keep the momentum going.”
Ouyang Xue is an insider at Tongmeng Network and has previously worked as an idol. She has studied “popularity” and “big data” and can be considered an expert in this field. She has explained all this to me before.
Tongmeng Network’s logistics management involves more than just overseeing logistics. It also requires “traffic” and “data” as supplementary tools. When Ouyang Xue was a virtual idol and helped sell computers, the first thing she had to learn was how to monitor trending topics.
In live streaming, if you can’t create engaging content or keep up with current trends, it’s hard to gain popularity. Knowing how to “create buzz” requires a streamer to have a keen sense of trending topics and continuously learn popular terms and new memes.
“As a streamer, if you can’t understand the comments from new viewers, it’s as sad as a computer technician not understanding computers,” Ouyang Xue said.
Therefore, after joining Tongmeng Network, Ouyang Xue maintained her sensitivity to “big data.” She would often help Tongmeng Network analyze popular data, such as what content people are searching for and what products they are interested in.
She would then use this data, along with logistics specifics, to determine what products modern young people like and what kinds of videos they want to watch.
For instance, during a recent flu outbreak, there was a noticeable increase in searches for “canned yellow peaches” on Tongmeng Network, indicating people’s interest in this item. If Tongmeng Network could follow up by collaborating with factories to produce and sell canned yellow peaches, they could make a significant profit once the trend fully takes off.
It’s best to follow up when there’s a noticeable increase in searches for “canned yellow peaches.” By the time “canned yellow peaches” appear on the hot search list due to a high number of searches, it’s already too late to catch up. At that point, most factories and businesses have noticed the trend and either found partners to collaborate with or raised prices.
Now, Ouyang Xue tells me that searches for “café delivery service” are increasing rapidly, reaching a level of “rapidly increasing popularity but not yet trending.” This means we can seize this opportunity to increase the visibility of our store.
If I, unaware of this trend, decide to let Dolly and Yueyue run deliveries alone after a few orders and announce that “Nuo’er’s Cat Carrier Delivery Service” has ended, it would essentially kill the momentum while it’s still in its infancy. It would also disappoint customers who were drawn to our delivery service because of this trend.
“Our delivery service is gaining popularity, right?”
After reading the messages in the group, I hesitated for a moment, then said, “If Dolly and Yueyue continue with deliveries… is everything okay in the store?”
“No problem. Li Chen will handle the drinks on the second floor, and Xiao Mo and I will take care of the first floor.”
Ouyang Xue gave me a reassuring answer. “I’ll post a notice on the official account later. I’ll mention that we’re running a promotion these days, mainly with the new delivery staff and Nuo’er, and then apply for some discount coupons from the delivery platform. It’s okay to earn less for now. I’ll also briefly introduce Dolly and Yueyue. You can finish deliveries by around eight or nine in the evening. Usually, there aren’t many orders for fast food around that time.”
“Ding dong! You have a new delivery order, please confirm.”
“Ding dong! You have a new delivery order, please confirm.”
As we spoke, Dolly’s phone chimed with two more notifications of new orders.
“I can handle these ones. Nuo’er, you go with Dolly and them,” Xiao Mo said, emerging from the cat living area with a yawn. “Getting to know new friends sounds good.”
Just then, another new order notification chimed on Dolly’s phone.
“I guessed right. Your photos and videos, Nuo’er, are starting to trend. Many locals in Shenzhen City are starting to try ordering delivery,” Ouyang Xue said, wearing a look of familiarity with traffic trends.
“If you suddenly stop delivering now, customers who order later might think it’s a form of marketing deception, which could affect the café’s reputation to some extent, even though this marketing isn’t directly related to us.”
This was a new perspective.
“Alright then.”
I instructed Dolly to place the bag on the ground and climbed back inside.
“Let’s continue. Sister Ouyang, Xiao Mo, thanks for your help,” I said.
Actually, if you imagine it, I can understand those few customers. After all, the profession of delivery person… is predominantly male. Moreover, having such beautiful girls delivering, and three of them at once…
For the previous few deliveries, Dolly, Yueyue, and I basically coordinated like this: upon receiving an order, we would return to the café to pick up the food. I would hold the packaged food in the cat carrier while checking my phone, responding to messages from customers.
Once everything was ready, Dolly would head towards the destination, with Yueyue following behind. Upon reaching the destination, Yueyue would knock on the door. If there was no response, I would call the customer.
When the customer opened the door, Yueyue would step forward, saying something like “Meow! Here’s your delivery, please enjoy,” while Dolly turned around, unzipped the cat carrier, and I would poke my head out, handing over the warm food I had kept close to me, saying “If you like it, please leave a good review.” Anyone would be amazed by such god-like delivery service.
Dolly is the energetic type of youthful beauty, while Yueyue is more on the cute and dorky side, somewhere between a loli and a girl. And I’m completely and utterly the loli, both in appearance and figure. Having three girls who are rarely seen together outside delivering food… it’s almost… luxurious.
As someone who has experienced life as an… uncle… I feel like this situation is similar to playing games with hardly any girls, like MMORPG. Most people assume their teammates are male and don’t expect to have female teammates. But then, upon entering the game, they find that all their teammates have cute, girly IDs, and when they start chatting, they realize they’re all girls. It’s bewildering.
I believe anyone would marvel at such an experience. Sharing screenshots and videos in QQ groups would be the least of it.
“Three orders, one in Nanqi District’s Xiangyang Community, one in Gaoxin Industrial Zone, and one on Zaojiao South Road in the Central District. Let’s deliver them one by one according to the navigation.”
Under Ouyang Xue’s guidance, I decided to extend this “maid delivery service.” Sitting in the cat carrier with Dolly and Yueyue, we went to the kitchen to pick up the meals prepared by Chef Wang. After leaving the café, we sprinted towards our destinations.
“The first delivery should be a bit slower, same as before, to avoid drawing too much attention.”
Speaking of which, it gets really hot sitting in the cat carrier with the food boxes. Even when I go into elf mode, it’s a bit tough, especially when the customers order freshly cooked items like fried chicken, which are particularly hot. I have to hold them close to me.
But compared to the hardships I faced as a child and the work I did as an uncle, this is already quite comfortable. When I was an apprentice at the barbecue restaurant, I often ended up with blisters on my hands from being burned, facing the smoking hot charcoal every day, with my entire face turning red.
“I’ll check my phone for a bit, you guys take it slow.”
Placing the delivery boxes on my lap inside the cat carrier, I retrieved my phone from behind the maid outfit, opened QQ and WeChat, and found the group chats for “Upcoming Maid Café” on both platforms.
?I guess they’re really serious about doing delivery now? Looks like my suggestions had some effect after all.?
?So, does it mean if I order now, that horse girl, cat girl, and Nuo’er will personally deliver to my door??
In the past month, as the manager, Ouyang Xue faced a constant stream of customers coming to the café to “try something new.” She specifically created exclusive WeChat and QQ groups for the café.
Similar to the official account of Tongmeng Network, this group mainly introduced the maids working in the café each day, the featured dishes of the week, and various promotional services. For example, before each shift, Ouyang Xue would announce in the group who would be working, how the cats were feeling, what delicious dishes were available in the kitchen, what discounts or coupons were available, and occasionally share some health tips or funny videos to foster camaraderie among the members.
To encourage those who had dined at the café to join the group, Ouyang Xue printed QR codes on the tables in the café and held several “join the group for discounts” events.
As long as you scan the QR code in the store and join the group and send a “1”, your order will be one yuan cheaper. Although one yuan may not seem like much, the effect is significant. Over the course of a month, over eight hundred people joined the WeChat group, and there were over five hundred in the QQ group. Every time Ouyang Xue posted pictures of food or cats in the group, customers would come in shortly after. These customers were all members of the group. After seeing Ouyang Xue’s posts and remembering their previous experiences, they became regular customers.
This is Ouyang Xue’s approach to work. Describing it as “meticulous” would not be an exaggeration. She doesn’t miss any opportunity or method to increase revenue.
Before, Ouyang Xue managed both the official account and the QQ and WeChat groups. Although I’m also in these groups, I’m usually too busy to participate, only occasionally showing up to be cute. Now that I’m about to take over Ouyang Xue’s position as “manager”, I definitely need to learn her marketing techniques.
That’s how society is. Many things aren’t taught in school, you have to learn them yourself once you’re out in the real world. That’s a lesson I’ve learned over the years—there’s nothing embarrassing about learning if you don’t know.
?I thought it was just Nuo’er’s sudden idea, but it seems they’re really planning to develop the delivery business??
?The notice says it’s for two days, that’s not bad. I’ll order something too.?
?I’ve already ordered, braised chicken with potatoes, I’ll record the whole process. If it’s really Nuo’er delivering it, I’ll livestream it in the group.?
?Don’t just focus on Nuo’er, don’t you think the new horse girl and cat girl in the café are cute too??
Oh no… As I watched the discussions in the group, I realized something extraordinary.
According to the current situation… if the hype really picks up, Dolly and Yueyue can’t rush through the orders so quickly. Otherwise, when these people post their screenshots or videos, they’ll expose themselves.
For example, just five minutes ago, Dolly finished delivering an order, and the customer posted a picture in the group. Five minutes later, when Dolly arrived at another customer’s house three kilometers away, this customer happened to be in the group and also posted a picture. This speed just won’t hold up…
“The situation has changed. For the next few days, try to slow down with every delivery.”
After checking the comments under the posts by the official Tongmeng Network account in the group, I said to Dolly, who was sprinting beside me, “Ordinary people here might not understand your speed. Let’s wait until the hype dies down.”
“Okay.”
Fortunately, Dolly and Yueyue were very understanding and slowed down their pace.
“I’m really sorry I couldn’t let you run freely here…”
“It’s okay, Miss Nuo’er. Mom once said that speed isn’t everything for us. Even on the battlefield, as warriors’ mounts, we don’t need to maintain full speed. Without coordinating with our masters, we can never become qualified warhorses.”
“That’s right, meow, Yueyue doesn’t like to go too fast, in every sense of the word.”
“……”
So, from the afternoon until 9:30 in the evening, the “delivery trio” consisting of me, Dolly, and Yueyue, took on all the delivery orders for the back half of the day at the café.
Our job was basically to – take three orders at once, get the food from the kitchen, leave the café, head towards the nearest address, deliver the first order in about fifteen minutes, with the same routine – Dolly carrying me, Yueyue opening the cat bag, and I handing the food to the customer, saying goodbye, going downstairs, then delivering the second order in about twenty-two minutes, the third order in thirty minutes, and then spend ten minutes returning to the café to continue taking orders.
At 9:40, Ouyang Xue closed the delivery service and announced in the group, “Delivery staff Dolly, Yueyue, and Nuo’er are going to rest now. For those who still have cravings, you can dine in at the shop and show this group for a discount during payment.”
At the same time, as Ouyang Xue predicted, “Cat Maid Delivery” trended on hot search, and related videos gained a lot of views. Many WeChat and QQ groups were discussing our “luxury service”, and Ai Luodi, who had rested at the rental house for a day, also came.
“Is this our new colleague?”
Ai Luodi held up her phone, indicating the group chat, “You guys really spare no effort. Female delivery staff are already rare, and the three of you are delivering together. Even my gaming groups are discussing this.”
“It’s mainly because Dolly and Yueyue are new here, so I wanted them to get familiar with the environment.”
By this time, I was already exhausted, lying on the massage chair, “I didn’t want to either.”
Even if my body is flexible, staying in the cat bag for several hours while holding hot delivery food would still be a bit uncomfortable.
“Let’s call it a day here.”
On the side, Ouyang Xue looked at me with a hint of pity, “The new colleagues performed very well. Well done.”
“How do you feel?”
Xiao Mo leaned over, “Hmm, the little kitty smells like food.”
“If you spend an afternoon and evening in delivery boxes, you’ll smell like this too.”
I was too lazy to argue that I wasn’t a little kitty anymore.
“Darling, I want to go to Moon Orchid Island later.”
“Oh?”
Xiao Mo was a bit surprised, “I thought you were planning to go straight home.”
“I did consider it.”
I shook my head, “But before that, I want to go to the island first.”
“Nuo’er.”
The girl in front of me paused for a moment, “Do you know that with your current scent and that lazy, soft expression, it’s very easy to arouse people’s… desires.”
“I trust Xiao Mo won’t do anything inappropriate.”
I smiled and turned to look at the moonlight outside, “Shall we go?”
“Bring Dolly, Fei Luo, and others with us?”
“Yeah.”
“Sure.”
Xiao Mo took my hand and pulled me off the massage chair.
“I’ll try my best to control myself and not devour the little kitten completely.”
“……”
……
TL Note:
miHoYo/HoYoverse/COGNOSPHERE announced it on January 14, 2020.
Now is June 9, 2024. So, it’s been 4 years, 4 months, and 26 days now!