I woke up to find I have a child - Chapter 30
There was a reason for choosing this village in particular. This village is closed-off to outsiders and there are very few young people living here thus the economic development here is not very high. The environment in this village is very similar to the village in ?Barrier Lake?. In the later editing, they will have a narrator comment on this reason to the audience who watches the show.
In reality, there are many villages like this one in Beijing, but Jiang Lingyan specifically chose this place because there are only elderly and very young children here. In other words, people who will not pay much attention to celebrities.
Jiang Lingyan led the production crew and the actors into the village. Although these people are actors and celebrities, the villagers did not yell out like the people in the city. In their eyes, an actor is just a profession and thus other than their fresh faces, they are no big deal.
There is a table set up in front of the directors with eight envelopes that look exactly the same lying on them. Nie Kaiyuan was the first to approach the table with Chi Qiu following behind him. One by one, they each took an envelope from the table, but the deputy director stopped before they could open the envelopes, “Please wait a minute. The envelope will not be opened until there is no longer a crowd around us.”
They can’t open it in front of people…..could there be something shameless in these envelopes?
“……”
Han Feixu squeezed her envelope. It felt very thin, so there should only be a single piece of paper inside.
The eight envelopes were all laid openly on the table and there was no order in the drawing. So the chance of Jiang Lingyan setting up a “special” trap for her is low. So she’ll probably do something to her after her role is assigned.
Han Feixu’s current mentality was as if the Sword of Damocles was hanging above her head. In the beginning, she was flustered as she didn’t know when the sword would fall, but now she is just plain anxious and hopes the sword will drop quickly. At least stop torturing her with all the suspense = =
Lastly, the three judges for the show finally arrived. All three of them are famous celebrities in the film industry with Ye Mingxin being the youngest and Duan Weiyang being the oldest. The three of them approached and the contestants began to applaud one after another with Zhang Hao and Chi Qiu even whistling a few times.
The third judge, Yan Jize, has a very introverted character and only smiles slightly and nods in the face of the applause. Ye Mingxin is similar to him, but her smile is much brighter and Duan Weiyang is the most friendly of the three. She shook hands with each one of them, “Aiya, hello, hello. Ah, hello to you too. Hey, Qiqing, nice to see you again, hahahaha. Yes, what a coincidence to meet you here…..”
Once everyone finished their greetings, the deputy director continued onto the rules.
“The rehearsal will be overseen by our judges. It will take place over a period of 24 hours, starting from 1 in the afternoon and ending at 1 tomorrow afternoon. Once the rehearsal is over, everyone will meet here tomorrow where a temporary stage will be set up and you will all enact a charity performance for the young and old folks of Liujia village.”
“During the performance, the judges will give out scores for each player and combined with the results from the last game, the player with the lowest amount of points will be eliminated. Please note that the judges are given only one criteria to calculate your scores, which is the successful portrayal of your role.”
“Alright, may the judges please start assigning the roles of each player.”
Among the three judges, Duan Weiyang is the oldest so Ye Mingxin and Yuan Jize didn’t speak as they waited for Duan Weiyang to make the arrangements.
Although Duan Weiyang is old, she still has her movie star charm. She smiled at each player, “Before I came here, I was notified about each player’s situation. Since I have the honor of choosing the first role, I will start with an old acquaintance.”
“Qi Qing and I have worked together before in the?Legend of Miemeng?, therefore I am more familiar with him. I think he will be very suitable for the role of Zhou Chong. Regardless of his appearance or personality, I believe that he should play this role.
Qi Qing bowed to Duan Weiyang and thanked her. The next person to speak was Yuan Jize, “Then I will also arrange the roles for my acquaintances first. Among so many people, I know Zhang Hao the best. As everyone knows, we are good friends. I will not cheat you. Zhang Hao, you will act the role of Lu Gui.”
Zhang Hao couldn’t remember who Lu Gui was and asked Nie Kaiyuan next to him, “Is Lu Gui the young hero who led the workers on strike?”
Nie Kaiyuan: “No, he’s the middle-aged scumbag man who is wicked, slimy, and always trying to steal more money to gamble with.”
Zhang Hao: “……”
Next up is Ye Mingxin. Han Feixu breathed a sigh of relief. If everyone before her picked the roles for their acquaintances, then the one Ye Mingxin will pick a role for is her. And Ye Mingxin wouldn’t possibly trick her into anything.
Ye Mingxin’s lips curled up and she was just about to open her mouth when Jiang Lingyan coughed not too far away from her. She paused and then continued, “Everyone has arranged for their acquaintances first but I am quite familiar with everyone here. So I will do the opposite and arrange the roles for the people I am most unfamiliar with. I am unsure of your personality, but acting is all about taking on a new personality. So, based on just appearance, I think Han Yiren suits the role of Zhou Fanyi the most.”
Han Feixu pouted at her with a pitiful look, but Ye Mingxin could only helplessly ignore her. Jiang Lingyan has specifically warned her not to intervene in the game. Otherwise, she would air out all the dirty laundry of her dark past in front of Han Feixu.
Between maintaining her perfect image or having Han Feixu crossdress, Ye Mingxin resolutely chose the former.
Besides, she’s actually looking forward to seeing what Han Feixu looked like dressed as a man.
There are eight important roles in this play, five males and three females. So it was inevitable that one of the actresses would have to crossdress and play the role of a man. If this was a proper play, Chi Qiu would be the most suitable for the extra male role. However, this is the sand sculpture version of ?Thunderstorm?planned and adapted by Jiang Lingyan so it is for the best that the extra male role is handed to Han Feixu instead.
The three judges then continued dividing up the roles, much like children diving up fruit, in a harmonious manner. Zhang Tonghui got the role of the coal worker Lu Dahai and Nie Kaiyuan was given the role of patriarch Zhou Puyuan due to his old socalist temperament. Lu Ersi had a youthful and sunny appearance so the role of Sifeng was given to her and Chi Qiu was assigned to play the role of Lu Shiping, a hardworking working-class woman.
Once everyone received their roles, Han Feixu was given the only role left, the role of “Zhou Ping”. The name sounded familiar to her, but why couldn’t she remember who this person was? Perhaps this is the role of Zhou Chong’s sister?
?Thunderstorm?is one of the four required texts for the high school Chinese curriculum. Most students read the play in their second semester of the second year of high school. Therefore, it stands to reason that Han Feixu should have just read this play. Unfortunately, as someone who never goes to class, she just flipped through the text and then threw it to the side. Usually she would just wait until she has to attend class again and then use the teacher’s review lectures to understand the text.
However, Han Feixu’s memory is currently stopped on Youth Day of 2008, when the teacher hasn’t started the review lectures for ?Thunderstorm?yet. She only remembered briefly reading the text and has a vague impression, but she isn’t able to remember any of the specific details.
As the last person to go, her role was arranged by Yuan Jize. When everyone realized that she was going to have to crossdress, they all looked at her in excitement and imagined what Han Fiexu would look like dressed as a man. Seeing the strange expressions on their faces, Han Feixu finally realized she might have missed something. She quietly asked the person closest to her, Han Yiren, “Who is Zhou Ping?”
Han Yiren glanced at her strangely. How could she not know who Zhou Ping is? After all, everyone in the acting career has gone through at least some sort of acting test or rehearsal that involves?Thunderstorm?.
“Zhou Ping is the Eldest Young Master of the Zhou family,” Han Yiren paused and then added, “He is also the second biggest scumbag of the Zhou family.”
…..
Crap.
Memorizing a script in one day is not an easy thing. Although most of them have played in ?Thunderstorm?at least once, they have played completely different roles. A new role meant new lines to memorize. Not to mention the new “extremely distinctive” characteristic they had to act out as well. No matter what role they were assigned to, they had to play out the characteristic they were given.
The deputy director asked them to take their luggage to their respective lodgings first and to only open up the envelopes once they had arrived. Then they’ll rest for a little bit, read the script, eat lunch, and wait until the clock strikes one to gather and rehearse together.
This village is really small with very few people still living here. Most of the young and middle-aged villagers have left for work in the city and not many stayed behind to develop the farmlands. The ones that did live here were mostly children that were left behind and elderly people who are too old to move to the city. There were a few middle-aged women, but they were rare among the children and elderly.
Therefore, it took a lot of effort for the production crew to find four private houses that they can rent and film in. They split up the groups based on their point totals from the last game and of course the men and women were separated as they had to live together for the night. Furthermore, the bigger your point total was from the last game, the better your housing was.
As a result, Han Feixu and Han Yiren were assigned to a small two-story bungalow.
Apparently this was supposedly a newlyweds’ house that was given to the lucky couple when they got married. The couple had moved to the city for work as soon as they got married, so they happily rented the free space to the production crew.
When Han Feixu and Han Yiren were assigned to the bungalow, the rest of the contestants let out envious noises. However, who knew who started it, but soon the envious noises turned into teasing noises.
Every variety show must have a CP for the audience to ship. Having the audience ship a CP together is known to greatly increase the ratings and last week, the main CP was Han Yiren x Qi Qing. This week, Qi Qing was replaced with Han Feixu.
Jiang Lingyan was watching from the sidelines and was thinking about cutting out this scene when her famous childhood friend approached her.
Who then asked her in a low whisper, “Did you do this on purpose?”
Jiang Lingyan sighed. Ye Mingxin had a lot of flaws, but her extreme jealousy was the worst of them all.
“This has nothing to do with me. I had someone rent out this place before the filming for the first episode started and the room assignments were based on point totals that I cannot control. So whoever got to stay in this bungalow, did so out of their own ability.”
Han Feixu and Han Yiren entered the residence and put down their suitcases. The first thing they did was open their envelopes, and take a look at the words written on their cards. They both froze for a moment, and then looked up at each other.
Han Feixu: “What does your say?”
Han Yiren showed her the card with a confused look, “What do you think…this means?”
Han Feixu also didn’t understand, “Perhaps it means your character likes this kind of thing.”
“What about you? What is written on your card?”
Han Feixu turned the card over and showed it to Han Yiren. Han Yiren leaned in to take a better look and raised a hand to stifle the giggle coming out of her mouth, “Pfft–”
Han Feixu: “…..”
She suspects Jiang Lingyan knows black magic, otherwise how could she draw such a wicked card in a completely ‘transparent’ and ‘random’ lottery drawing! (????)?????
No matter how much they wanted to protest over their cards, they could only accept them in the end. Instead they focused on something else. They left their respective companies around 8 o’clock in the morning and arrived at 10:30. Then the deputy director gave a long speech and now it is already past 11 o’clock. Han Feixu patted her stomach, “I’m a little hungry.”
Great minds think alike, and just as she finished her sentence, the bungalow’s housekeeper appeared and told them dinner was ready for them down below.
The housekeeper was very enthusiastic in her greetings and she spoke with a Hejian dialect as she asked them for their names. After receiving their answers, she then asked, “So you two are sisters?”
In a countryside village like this one, the word ‘sisters’ literally means sister.*(*T/N: play on words since “sister” in Chinese is also an honorific and term of endearment)
Han Feixu smiled and shook her head, “No, we are not sisters.”
The housekeeper looked surprised, “Ah, but I think you two look alike.”
The housekeeper wasn’t wrong. Han Feixu and Han Yiren do indeed look a bit similar. Han Feixu has a delicate appearance, yet refined features and deep eyebrows that made her look like a western exotic beauty. Han Yiren’s features are not as prominent as hers and she has pit-black eyes and a sharp, pointed chin. When she doesn’t speak or smile, she has a very cold and mysterious temperament. When one mentions it, they can’t say what exactly makes these two look alike, but once someone mentions they look alike, everyone will nod their heads in agreement.
Han Feixu and Han Yiren looked at each other and smiled, Han Feixu raised an eyebrow, “Hello, fellow person surnamed Han, are you my little sister?”
Han Yiren played along and put on an aloof and haughty expression, “Although you are surnamed Han, when did you become worthy enough to be my older sister?”
The aloof expression remained for less than two seconds before the two couldn’t help but burst out into laughter. The cameraman filming them also couldn’t help laughing along with them, a big smile on his face.
Although everyone was told to rest, none of them actually did. Every single one of them was reading the script and trying to memorize their own lines as well as trying to figure out how to incorporate their given characteristic into the role.
Around half past 12 pm, most of them gathered in the now empty assembly hall usually used by the village committee. They didn’t gather at the original meeting point outside because the temperature was just way too hot. If they were forced to rehearse outside, one of them would probably faint within the first half an hour. Although the assembly hall was a little colder, there was no AC so Jiang Lingyan had to ask someone to bring a portable AC over, but it still wasn’t enough to cover everyone. If one was just a little further from the AC, they would break out in large droplets of sweat.
The judges sat in three temporarily set up chairs. In addition to judging, they also act as mentors. They commented on what the players did wrong and helped guide them to the right answer. However, they didn’t need to stay for long, only about an hour, before they could return to their hotels where they could lie down and enjoy the pristine air conditioning. The poor players, on the other hand, will have to suffer for the entire night.
The eight players gathered in a circle, but no one spoke as they stared at each other.
Duan Weiyang has never been on a variety show before, so she didn’t know anything about Jiang Lingyan’s soul-crushing style. So she naively asked Ye Mingxin, “Why do they all look so sad?”
Ye Mingxin: “Perhaps they were infected by the miserable feelings of their tragic characters.”
Yuan Jize: “….” They have not seen each other in a long time, yet Ye Mingxin’s ability to spew nonsense has improved once again.
Zhang Hao opened his mouth: “Do you think we should tell each other what our respective characteristics are?”
Qi Qing: “I don’t think that’s necessary, let’s just go with the flow and see how it goes.”
Since everyone has memorized most of their lines, they’ll start with the first act.
The script they were given was set in the time period ten years after the original script. The Zhou residence has been converted into a Christian hospital and many of the roles in the original script were cut out of the scene. The script also starts on a sweltering morning.
The first characters to appear are Sifeng and Lu Gui. Lu Gui is Sifeng’s father and he is about to ask her for money. Once everyone had changed into their respective costumes, Zhang Hao and Lu Ersi stood in the middle of the room.
Zhang Hao breathed in and out two times and then began to read his lines, “Sifeng! Si—wait, student Sifeng, can you open your eyes?”
Lu Ersi currently pretended she was holding something with her eyes closed. When she heard what Zhang Hao said, she turned her head and opened her eyes, “I can’t. My characteristic is ‘Blindness’. During the actual play, I will tie a piece of cloth over my eyes so I will truly not see anything. But for now, I can only practice with closed eyes.”
The beginning of the play mostly revolves around Sifeng and Lu Gui so everyone else watched from the side. Han Feixu watched them for a long time before she asked, “I can’t tell what characteristic Zhang Hao got. What do you think it is?”
No one knew either except for Qi Qing who currently shares lodgings with Zhang Hao. He had seen Zhang Hao’s characteristic earlier, “Look at the way he keeps moving his hands and how it fidgets like he’s trying to fix something. That is his characteristic: OCD.”
Han Feixu narrowed her eyes and watched carefully. Indeed, it was just as he said, every two words or so Zhang Hao would fidget with the props, as if he was trying to straighten them. She turned her head with a smile and looked at Qi Qing, “He picked a good one. It’s very easy to act out.”
Qi Qing agreed with her and lowered his head to look at the dog leash in his hand, “Indeed.”
Han Feixu looked at him strangely and then at the dog licking his hind legs beside Qi Qing, “Where did this dog come from? Is he yours?”
Qi Qing rolled up the dog leash and raised his head with a blank expression, “No, this is my prop.”
“What?”
Qi Qing’s voice sounded very bleak as he explained, “My characteristic is ‘dog lover’. So I have to always have a dog with me wherever I go.”
Han Feixu thought about it, “That’s a pretty good one too. Zhou Chong is the Second Young Master of a rich family, so it’s reasonable for him to drag a dog with him wherever he goes. And it’s pretty cute too.”
Qi Qing quietly replied, “Really? Then watch this.”
He took two steps forward and tried to pull the little dog that was assigned to him by the production crew. They told him that this dog is said to be the most gentle and intelligent dog in the village.
“Let’s go, time to get on the stage.”
It was as if the dog was glued to the ground as he refused to get up. When Qi Qing tried to lead him just now, he immediately lowered his legs and planted its paws firmly into the ground. Qi Qing didn’t dare to exert too much strength in fear of hurting the dog. One man and one dog struggled against each other for a long time until the meat on the neck of the little dog was squeezed so much that it came up to his chin. The dog was very determined not to get up.
He is a very good dog who resolutely sticks to his principles.
Qi Qing was half-dead from fatigue as he returned to his original position at Han Feixu’s side. He looked at her with a cold and helpless expression: “Now do you see why?”
Han Feixu: “I see. = =”
The third person to appear on stage is Zhang Tonghui. His voice is smooth and magnetic, and the way he says Lu Dahai’s lines is very charming. The sentence “I hate them!” seemed to hide many emotions behind them, and one can even feel a certain suppressed resentment within his words. Han Feixu was almost completely immersed into the play just by his acting alone. Almost. If only he would stop constantly scratching his stomach.
“A muscular and heroic youth who keeps scratching his arms and his stomach….it really makes one lose their interest in the play, okay?!!! Do you have fleas on your body or what!”
Hearing Zhang Hao’s complaints, Zhang Tonghui put down his arms innocently, “But this is my characteristic. I have severe urticaria, so that means I have to keep scratching.”
Zhang Hao: “….” Except for him, no one else has a ‘normal’ characteristic!!!
Ah, it really does seem like that.
Zhang Tonghui’s acting was good, but he just kept scratching himself. Out of the three judges, Duan Weiyang has the lowest humor limit so she couldn’t help laughing while Yuan Jize and Ye Mingxin were able to bear it through with their poker faces. However, when Qi Qing appeared on stage after a desperate struggle with the stubborn dog, they couldn’t endure it any longer. As the dog started dragging Qi Qing off the stage, they also started laughing = =
And this was just the beginning….
Everyone stammered through their lines as they tried to stifle their own laughter. When Han Yiren appeared in a flashy and gaudy red and green gown, even the stoic Zhang Tonghui couldn’t help cracking a smile.
Have you’ve ever seen the rich heiress, Zhou Fanyi, dress up like a rural woman from Changbai Mountain? Well if you haven’t seen it before, now you have.
Qi Qing dragged the dog next to him and then looked at the red and green person next to her. He then dryly called out, “Mother.”
Han Yiren: “…..Ai.”
While Qi Qing and Han Yiren conversed on stage, Han Feixu prepared below for her appearance. She glanced at the card in her hands with a gloomy face and had a feeling that she should change her career to a comedian.
After reading the words one more time, she glanced at Ye Mingxin. By coincidence, Ye Mingxin was also looking at her. She smiled at Han Feixu, but Han Feixu abruptly turned her head and pointedly ignored her.
Ye Mingxin: “….” It was just one glance, do you really need to go that far?
About half an hour has passed now, and it will be quite a while until Chi Qiu will appear. She flipped absentmindedly through her script and said, “You’re up next.”
“En, I know.”
Chi Qiu looked at her curiously, “What is your characteristic?”
Han Feixu fixed her wig, “You will know soon enough.”
Han Yiren’s acting skills are very good, despite her current piercing appearance, and she paired well with Qi Qing. Soon enough, it was Han Feixu’s turn.
Han Feixu stepped onto the stage in a silk navy blue long coat* the production crew had given her and approached Qi Qing. (*T/N: See pic at the end for reference.)
Qi Qing looked up and called out to her, “Big brother.”
With a tall and straight figure, the silk long coat fit Han Feixu very well. Her gaze carried an aloof and empty expression, which made her fit the “indifferent handsome beauty” description the script gave her character quite well. All of them were used to Han Feixu wearing her long hair down, but today she had tied it up to reveal a beautiful and slender nape. Their eyes brightened at her handsome appearance, and everyone waited with bated breaths as they looked forward to her performance.
Han Feixu yawned first in accordance with the script and then said: “Y-Y-You, why are y-you h-here!”
Qi Qing: “…..” Oh no.
Han Yiren already knew about Han Feixu’s characteristic, but she still couldn’t help but want to laugh. She raised a hand to block her smile and then said, “Ping!”
Han Feixu: “Oh? Y-You are h-here too!”
Han Yiren’s voice went up an octave as she forced back a laugh. Under these circumstances, being able to remember her lines was already very good, “I just came downstairs.”
While everyone tried their best to endure their laughter, but still ended up laughing in the end, she continued, “F-Father, h-has he not l-left yet?”
“Hahahahahaahahah! Han Feixu, you’re too funny!! Hahahahahahaha!”
A loud burst of laughter rang out and startled Han Feixu. She turned her head and saw Duan Weiyang clutching her stomach while stomping her legs up and down with laughter. The two judges beside her were also laughing, but they were much more reserved.
However, Duan Weiyang continued to laugh for over three minutes and while everyone else had eventually stopped, she didn’t. They were getting a little worried now = =
Yuan Jize tapped her on the shoulder, “Duan Weiyang?”
Duan Weiyang’s laughter was already starting to subside, but as if Yuan Jize had flipped a switch, she burst out into loud laughter once again. She was even starting to hiccup from all that laughing. She just had lunch as well, and she felt that her lunch was going to come back up at this rate.
She hurriedly covered her mouth and ran for the bathroom.
Han Feixu: “…..”
So it turns out that the saying “Laugh until you vomit” was actually true = =
T/N:
For context, the reason why it’s funny that she’s stuttering is because Zhou Ping is supposed to be an eloquent and somewhat serious character in the original play. Hearing him stutter is like hearing Batman stutter over his words when vowing revenge towards a villain.
Here’s a reference to Han Feixu’s costume. It’s a Chinese style long coat that was often worn by males in China during the 1910-1940s. The black one is a more modern retro style with it’s open long coat while the blue one is more traditional as it’s pinned up.
