Pioneering the Apocalyptic World - Chapter 76
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Chapter 11: The feelings never known before
I said that I was not at my best yet, so the place was dismissed for the time being. I’m already quite healthy, but… If I’m still covered in bandages, they can’t stop worrying about me. But probably by tomorrow I will be fine. Being capable of healing a large burn in just a few days, as expected of a magical item.
Regulus and Lieze went report to Ryza-san, Fricka is looking after Fin, and so, the others for their own reasons had to go to Grosso village. I planned to stay at the base for a few days, so I promised to pick up they later and saw them off.
As for me that was left behind … I need to have a talk with Uru. One of the reasons that everyone moved away at the same time is that maybe they were being tactful about us.
Just like before, on the bed in my room, Uru is being quiet like a doll while being hugged by me.
I tried to wait patiently for her to speak, but she remained silent no matter how long I waited, so I decided to start the talk.
“Uru, do you have anything you want to say to me?”
“…… No.”
In other words, it’s not like she’s got complaints about me.
Well, in Uru’s case… She must be blaming herself all this time.
“As I said earlier, my injuries are not Uru’s fault.”
“…”
“Or the problem is that you can’t make a return stone?”
Her body twitched at my words.…… As I guessed there is that too.
Earlier when Regulus said “You guys need someone to take Rion back when she gets hurt, right?” She let a slight reaction.
“For example, even if a slightly strong monster appears, Uru can defeat it immediately, but if I can’t defeat it, Uru you will get angry at me?”
“… There’s no way that I will get angry.”
“It’s the same thing. Did you really think that I’d get mad at you for not being able to do a thing that you can’t do?”
She shakes her head side to side, but still, she continues to slowly close and open her hand. I guess that she don’t know what to do with her bottled-up emotions.
I gently wrap her hand with mine.
“I know how much effort you are making, so please don’t try to blame yourself that much.”
For one reason or other, Uru tries to make things at least once a day while she’s at the base. She fails to do it every time, and I’ve witnessed her frustrated face in all these occasions.
Even so, she didn’t let it rot or give up, and has continued to try all this time until today. Having come this far, the reason why she can’t make things may be because of a more fundamentally reason rather than just her clumsiness. So I can’t just ignorantly say that her efforts and motivation weren’t enough.
If she was a type of person who would just say things like “I can’t do it, hahaha.” And gave up without doing anything, I wouldn’t try to help she this much. Well, In first place, she’s dependable in battle, so I would just say the right person for the right job and in the end I wouldn’t blame her.
But… Still, Uru is not convinced.
“Then… It doesn’t make sense…”
Whether she realized it or not, the power that Uru is using to hold my hand is very strong.
It hurts. It really hurts. I was about to scream, but if I said that Uru would shut her mouth again, so I desperately hold back my voice.
“Even if I make an effort, it’s meaningless if I can’t do anything at the critical moment…!”
The words that were spewed out like resentment, were just like she was cursing herself.
Uru let go of my hand, slowly turned her body and took a posture like she’s riding me.
In her gaze was…… Anger, anguish, sorrow.…… All sorts of emotions were swirling around.
“This time, Regulus regained consciousness, so we were able to come back, but in the worst case, Rion, you would be dead, you know!?”
I don’t think she has any intention of doing so, but she used her hands to grab my collar with a lot of strength into it, so it’s as if my neck is being strangled.
But still, more than physical suffocation-
“I, I was afraid! I was afraid that Rion would never wake up again!!”
Just the fact that Uru was crying made me feel suffocated.
It’s my fault.…… I would like to say that is more like a case of force majeure, but because I was hurt, I made her cry.
Turning her eyes red and shedding tears. Towards me, no, burning in anger at her own incompetence. Tormented by a sense of helplessness.
“Just thinking about it makes me feel like my body is freezing. It makes my tears overflow. It makes my head dizzy… I, don’t want to feel like this anymore!!!”
She ends with a piercing scream and collapses helplessly.
After being told that much, I finally realized.
I was… I was needed by Uru even more than I thought.
“… I’m sorry, for making you feel scared.”
It might be arrogant to console she, but I feel like leaving her crying alone is more wrong.
When I hugged Uru and patted she on the back, luckily Uru didn’t try to escape my arms.
“Uuuuuu……!”
She put her forehead on my shoulder and started crying loudly.
“…… Sob sob…… Even though I said that, the person in question act as if nothing has happened, and after all she even was happy that she might have gained a new power……!”
“Ahaha… I’m sorry about that.”
A few minutes later, even though her tears and runny nose were overflowing, she looked much refreshed than before she cried, and started complaining to me who is taking easy about almost dying. All I could do was wipe her face with a cloth and smile wryly.
No well, hmm, I can’t do anything about things that didn’t make me feel the reality of the situation, and to be afraid just only now after all ended is…
Did Uru gave up on my reaction, she let out a big sigh and leaned back against me as if she was saying that she is tired. I’m sorry for that!
Right after that, I felt a little pain in my shoulder. The cause is??
“Hey…!? Hey, wait, why did you bite me!?”
“… When I just thought it would be good to you know my pain a little bit, my body moved on its own.”
“How unreasonable!”
Do you want to me being hurt !? Or you don’t want to!?
Because she continued the attack by rubbing her head against me, I made a pose of indignation, but I let her do whatever she wanted, then she said.
“… The smell of medicine is to strong that I can’t smell Rion’s scent.”
“The same thing as Fricka…!”
What are you two doing? Please stop saying embarrassing things about my smell!?
After waiting for Uru to calm down while having a loose talk.
I prayed that Uru’s heart would be lightened even a little, and spoke the words that I already said several times before.
“As I already said, there’s no need for Uru to feel responsible for this incident.”
“Nuu…”
Uru probably knows it in her head too. But her heart is not catching up.
She casts her eyes down and pauses for a moment of silence as she ponders her thoughts.
She eventually lifted her face up, but her eyes were still full of anxiety.
“… I don’t want to experience the same feeling again. That’s why I have to be able to do it…”
“I also don’t want to almost die so many times.”
Even though I muttered seriously, she said “Don’t make fun of me.” And I was glared.
Gununu, because of my usual behavior…
Phew, I took a deep breath and regained my composure.
“Well, it’s better to be able to do it than not to be able to do it, but it’s too heavy and hard to live if you assumpt that you have to be able to do everything, imposing obligations on yourself.”
Or rather, if start to list the things that ‘I can’t do it’, it will be full of things. A lot of them is a just problem of the material, but it’s also a relevant point that my skill level isn’t enough.
In my case, since I’m a miko, wouldn’t my responsibilities be even greater than hers?
There are lives that could have been saved ‘if I had been able to act faster.’, like in the case of Grosso and Alness villages. ‘If I had made a better item.’ I might not have almost died this time, and ‘If I had been a more amazing miko. ‘ I could have helped Uru make a return stone before.
If I was told to carry all these regrets, I am confident that I would definitely collapse.
That’s why I decided not to think about it as much as possible, regardless of whether people thought I was selfish or not. …… Although there is the fact that Fricka got mad at me.
Like I have my own thoughts and beliefs, Uru has her own thoughts and beliefs. I don’t want to impose my own thoughts and say ‘this is better’, but… Uru being crushed is a problem
“In the first place, even though the Creator God can’t do everything by herself, so she’s borrowing the help of a Miko, why are you dissatisfied that you can’t do everything perfectly?”
“Ugh… If you put it like that…”
Yes, even Gods can’t do it. It is even more impossible to we that are below a God.
That’s why-
“You do what I can’t do. I will do what you can’t do. Fricka, Regulus, and Lieze will help us with things that neither you nor I can do. If we can’t do it, everyone should worry about it together. It would be nice if we could supplement each other’s missing parts like that, is that what I believe.”
“??”
Uru blinked his eyes several times in confusion. …… Before she lost her memory, maybe she didn’t was used to being helped?
“Uru. Thanks to you helping me, I’m alive like this.”
I took her hand and hold it. To show that I am alive.
That this hand is warm, that my blood is flowing.
“Just like you help me, I, we will help you. You are not alone. You don’t have to carry everything. I want you to rely more on me, on us.”
When I said ‘Right?’ with a smile.
Uru gave a small nod.
xxxxx
It’s ironic, isn’t.
I who can’t do anything except destroy thing ‘be afraid of losing something’.
Far from being disgusted by my destruction, there is someone who lent me her hands.
It almost makes me laugh, but… That’s not a bad feeling.
Rather, it’s comfortable.
I also have such feelings, I only realized that fact just now.
Even through I have been taught that by Rion before. It’s really a late realization.
??I want you to rely on me.
Rion’s face, with a soft smile looked slightly different from her usual.
From the hand that was holding me, from the hand that was stroking my head, I felt a warmer heat than the usual.
Bathed in soft light, it took root in the depths of my heart…… I’m sure it’s still a long way off before I notice ‘this’ that has been budding for a long time.