I Will Never Submit to Miss Grim Reaper - Chapter 23

“……”

Since I have always lived alone, I rarely receive calls on my phone. Over the past year, besides calls from scammers and mobile companies offering me a “free phone,” there are hardly any incoming calls for me as a social recluse. So, a long time ago, I set my phone’s ringtone to the ending song from the first season of “Is the Order a Rabbit?,” which is a cute song performed by three girls in the anime. This way, when I get scam calls, I can stall them without answering and waste the scammers’ time while listening to music.

I never expected that one day this ringtone would play in front of people I knew. What’s more, I never thought I would be there with an appearance resembling a cute little girl from an anime, using small hands to light up the phone screen.

“Um, so…”

With a look of disbelief from “Marisa’s Iron Butt” and “Divine Pet Pipi,” I took out my phone and indicated the incoming call notification to them. I said to the three young men in front of me, “I’m here.”

“Huh!? Wait!”

Marisa was the first to react. He covered his eyes with one hand and gestured to me with the other, indicating that I shouldn’t speak just yet. “Wait, wait! Something is wrong, there must be something wrong!” You could tell he was nervous, but more than that, he was puzzled and shocked.

“You…”

Pipi held his phone hand up in mid-air, a Husky-like expression on his face, as if he had just eaten two spoonfuls of mustard and had his backdoor stung. “You… you’re the uncle? No… no, there is no way!”

I nodded in confirmation and raised my phone. I waved to the guy in the middle who should be Pipi and then hung up on his call.

“Beep, beep, beep…”

“The number you have dialed is out of service or temporarily unavailable. Please try again later…”

Pipi’s phone rang with the busy user signal after I hung up.

This series of events was enough to prove that I was indeed the “uncle” they were talking about. Divine Pet Pipi and Marisa’s Iron Butt were dumbfounded. “This isn’t right, something’s not right, there must be a mistake somewhere!”

After standing still for quite some time, Marisa’s Iron Butt turned to Pipi. “Pipi, let’s figure this out. This number belongs to the uncle, right?”

Pipi regained his composure and nodded, saying, “Yes, that’s correct.”

“Uncle, the author’s name is Uncle Loves Loli. We’ve known him for several years, right?” Marisa’s Iron Butt continued.

Pipi nodded, “At least three years.”

Marisa’s Iron Butt went on, “He writes novels that are the kind only a man would write, the kind only a man would understand… male lead novels, right? Some of them have hundreds of thousands of words, right?”

“Over two million words,” Pipi confirmed.

“We often share ecchi images in the group and chat about stuff that only men would understand, right?”

Pipi nodded, saying, “That’s right.”

“We play games together, games like PUBG, Left 4 Dead, APEX Legends, and we’d always make jokes about who’s the ‘son,’ and he’d often be the first to die, and we’d call him a lousy son. Isn’t that right?”

“He’s indeed not very good at gaming.”

“When we use voice chat to play games, he sounds like a man, right?”

“Yes, he sounds like a man.”

“Is this number also provided by the uncle, right?”

“Correct.”

Marisa’s Iron Butt and Pipi had said enough. Marisa’s Iron Butt turned around, pointing at me, and asked, “So, can you please explain why you dialed Uncle’s number, but instead of reaching him, we have this… very cute little girl’s phone in front of us?”

Marisa’s Iron Butt seemed to emphasize the absurdity of the situation by placing extra emphasis on the words “very cute.”

“……”

Pipi twitched at the corners of his mouth, and finally blurted out, “I really don’t know, okay!”

“So, is she the Uncle Loves Loli you mentioned before?”

On the contrary, Jituto didn’t seem too surprised, as he examined the long-haired girl, “Can such a young child write books now?”

“It’s possible. You can go through the traditional signing process with a parent’s ID. Just make a photocopy of the ID and sign it, no one will question it.”

Pipi had snapped out of it at this point. He looked at me with a somewhat complicated expression, saying, “But… Uncle often played games with us before, and his personality and voice… I can’t believe he would turn out to be such a cute little… girl.”

“Can we believe this? It’s just impossible, right? I’ll just ask her directly.”

Marisa’s Iron Butt had the expression of “Even if the world were to end today, Uncle can’t possibly be a loli.” He took two steps closer to me and said, “Cough, cough, little sister, so, uh, you can just tell us, is ‘Uncle’ your brother or father? Did he send you here? Please tell him it’s not a joking matter, and he should come over quickly, the rights protection operation is about to start.”

What should I say…?

For a moment, I was in a bit of trouble.

Currently, I have two choices.

The first is to admit, as Marisa’s said, that she is actually just a “sister”, that Uncle Loves Loli is her brother or some relative, and that she is just an errand boy.

But there is a big problem. Let’s not talk about whether these people will accept their “sister” as their substitute. Many processes are particularly difficult to explain if they are very skilled.

Or…

Saying that she actually lives with “Uncle Loves Loli”? She said that “Uncle loves Loli” and her are very close, and the two of them are indistinguishable from each other.

Wouldn’t that just turn your former self into a pervert?

And it’s hard for me to make the decision. These two people are very familiar with me. Even if they haven’t met each other, there will still be that “feeling” between people after getting along for a long time. I hide it. It’s no use either.

In the end, what should I do if they strongly demand Uncle to come out one day?

Go find the Miss Grim Reaper and have her bring back that decapitated body from the underworld? I might as well go with her directly.

Under these circumstances, I actually only have the second option left, which is to directly confess to these two former online friends that I am “Uncle Loves Loli.”

I would admit that I used my parent’s ID during registration, confess to using a voice changer while playing games with them, and leave room for an exit.

In any case, I cannot publicly disclose the fact that “I’ve been turned into a loli by the Grim Reaper” – I’m a novelist, and I’m clear about keeping my trump card.

The mainstream tone of this society is realism and science, and I wouldn’t willingly explain transformations, the Grim Reaper, or superpowers to people around me.

“I…I really am the ‘uncle loves Loli’. I’m sorry that I lied to you for so long.”

In the surprised eyes of the three people, I smiled sheepishly and walked towards them.

“……”