I Will Never Submit to Miss Grim Reaper - Chapter 25

“The first question, and also the most important and crucial one, are you really the ‘uncle’? Yae-Do Light Novel Network pen name ‘Uncle Loves Loli,’ is that you?”

Standing beside the bench under the big banyan tree, bathed in the dappled sunlight streaming through the cracks in the branches, carrying a luggage bag, with a crew cut known as “Marisa’s Iron Butt,” a serious expression on his face, he looked at me and said, “A very serious question, because today we are going to the website’s person in charge to safeguard rights and claim wages. So, this matter cannot be taken lightly. Nuo’er, tell us truthfully, are you Uncle Loves Lolita himself, or are you a relative or someone else of his?”

“It’s really me.”

I also put away my previous faint smile and said seriously, “Uncle Loves Loli has been my pen name for four years. Four years ago, I wrote a novel on the Yae-Do Light Novel Network, and it’s now over three million words, roughly about a million words per year.”

“Is it really you?” The person in front of me, known as “Marisa’s Iron Butt,” still had an incredulous look. “How old are you this year?”

“I’m 12… I think?”

I don’t even know how old I am, but based on this height, I definitely can’t be older than 12. In fact, according to the current standards for children, I might even be a bit smaller. As we all know, nowadays, 11-12-year-old children, especially girls, who are on the shorter side may be around 1.4 meters, and those who develop faster could be 1.5 to 1.6 meters or even taller. Some girls from the western regions might even be around 1.7 meters.

Compared to the previous generations, kids from the 2010s onwards hardly need to worry about having enough to eat. They have a well-balanced diet, and there may even be a bit of excess nutrition. They consume meat, eggs, and dairy products daily. Some children have an egg for breakfast and lunch, a bottle of milk in the morning, and a glass of yogurt or colostrum at night. Girls tend to develop earlier than boys, and it’s quite common for them to experience a rapid growth spurt starting at the age of 12.

With my current height of 139 cm, it wouldn’t be a problem to claim that I’m 12 years old, right?

“12 years old? Can kids write books at that age now?”

The uncle in front of me paid no attention to my “hesitation” and asked a more crucial question: “Why were you able to sign a contract with the website?”

I blurted out, “I used my brother’s ID.”

Well, my brother is also me, but now that body’s head has flown away.

“At that time, it was the traditional paper contract model. They sent the contract, and all my brother had to do was sign it and send it back, I was the one writing the novel.”

“You wrote the novel?!” The uncle widened his eyes. “So, you mean… you’re 12 now, your novel was created four years ago, which means you were… 8 years old when you started writing novels? And you signed a contract?”

“About that… let me clarify.”

At this moment, “Divine Pet Pipi” on the side raised their hand and said, “Many kids nowadays indeed have rich imagination. There’s a little girl next door who, in her free time, uses her mom’s phone to watch short videos, read novels, and even tried writing novels when she was seven or eight. Most of it is copying novel excerpts and stitching them together in a hodgepodge.”

“Marisa’s Iron Butt, you’re a web novel author yourself, you should know how low the entry barrier is in this field now. As long as you have basic language skills, you can write a novel. Or to put it more simply… if you can write a good excuse note in elementary school, you can write a novel. Just understand a bit of the current popular memes and the enjoyable points of novels, make your sentences smooth, and signing a contract really isn’t a problem.”

“Is that true? But signing a contract at 8 years old is still too exaggerated, isn’t it?”

“What if she has her brother help check it?” Pipi gestured in my direction. “An 8-year-old child definitely lives with relatives, either with a brother or a dad. After finishing, she lets her brother or dad check for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. After a year or two of cultivation, she gains enough experience to write independently.”

As Pipi spoke, even they revealed a “so that’s how it is” expression. “Right, ‘Uncle’, you wrote 3 million words in four years, averaging over two thousand words a day, updating once a day. I never thought about it in this way before, but now it seems… it’s really not easy for a kid to write a chapter every day.”

“No, no, no, I still don’t believe it. How could something that only happens in novel plots happen around us? I need to confirm again,” said “Marisa’s Iron Butt.”

“Marisa’s Iron Butt” extended a hand toward Pipi, making a “don’t interrupt” gesture. “Ahem, well, let’s see, Uncle, oh no, Nuo’er, right? If all of this is really a prank by your brother or dad, and they sent you to play a trick on us, they must have rehearsed your story. I’m sure they wouldn’t reveal anything about novels or legal matters. So, I’ll just ask you about things related to ‘Uncle Loves Loli’ and your daily life.”

I placed my hands behind my back, putting on a well-behaved appearance. “Sure.”

“Let’s start with something simple. What’s our favorite game to play this year?”

“Apex Legends.”

I also blurted out without thinking, “It’s a battle royale game made by EA using the scraps of ‘Titanfall.’ They just released a new legend called Rampart, and the Chinese dubbing is particularly lackluster.”

“You even know about the dubbing being lackluster? Okay, let’s go for something more challenging,” said the uncle, pointing to Pipi beside him. “Pipi has an alt account, and by level 30, he got a rare item. What’s the ID of that alt account?”

“Uh… this name is a bit long. Let me think.”

This question was indeed challenging because Pipi’s alt account ID… was quite amusing.

“The most powerful legendary tiger in Litang… the innocent Choichiro (???)…”

I didn’t remember much about it because it was long and very strange. The arrangement of the names is like the title of a novel with the names of Japanese characters at the end of the sentence.

“Pfft…”

As soon as I finished speaking, Jituto, who had been listening to our conversation burst into laughter. “What are you guys doing?”

“His in-game name,” I said solemnly, “We’re exchanging secret signals.”

“Why are you asking her about that alt account ID? Damn, don’t bring gaming stuff into real life!”

Pipi seemed taken aback by “Marisa’s Iron Butt” asking me this and couldn’t hide his embarrassment. He shoved the chubby guy away.

“Don’t you believe me?” I asked as I watched them both struggle.

Well, to be honest, none of us really wanted to be in this situation. If it weren’t for the need to get that money, I wouldn’t even be interested in offline gatherings.

“It’s not a matter of belief. It’s just… we’ve thought of you as an uncle for years, and now you suddenly tell us there’s no uncle, only a little girl, I… I can’t accept it all at once.”

The uncle scratched his head and said, “It feels like one of those shapeshifting novel plot twists that often gets banned… No, maybe even more absurd.”

“So, reality is often less logical than fiction,” Pippi commented.

Pippi walked up to me and asked, “No wonder you used to play games with us only after 10 pm. Was it because that time coincided with when you finished your homework?”

I remained silent for a while before responding, “You could interpret it that way.”

“Did you use a voice changer?”

“Maybe…”

“Okay, I’ll ask you a question that only men would understand. If you answer it correctly, I’ll believe you’re Uncle Loves Loli, and I’ll cover all your travel and meal expenses for today, including that thing you mentioned… buying Crispy Sharks at the supermarket.”

Pipi crouched down, propped his knees with his hands, and matched my eye level. “What do you say?”

“Alright.”

I adopted a “challenge accepted” expression and said, “Go ahead.”