I woke up to find I have a child - Chapter 85
Jiang LingYuan, standing behind the bar, felt depressed at her sister’s words and muttered to herself, “I shouldn’t have accompanied you here. I should have let you walk home alone.”
Jiang LingYuan seldom comes to the pub, let alone work as a bartender for her own pub. The last time she was here was because her sister said that Ye Mingxin was coming, and she wanted to annoy Ye Mingxin by giving the regular bartender a day off. This time, she came because she heard her sister and Ye Mingxin were planning to have a long, serious talk. She was worried her sister might drink too much and then be left to fend for herself. So, out of concern, she followed her sister.
Despite her good intentions, it seems her efforts were wasted on her ungrateful sister.
As the night went on, the two people she was watching over continued to drink but only seemed to get more and more lively. Many hours passed, and even the usual singer has changed to a new one, that is, a pretty, spirited girl sitting on a stool with a guitar. She had a husky voice, one that slowly filled up the air with a unique flavor in this noisy yet peaceful environment.
Jiang Lingyan’s face was a bit red from alcohol, but she wasn’t drunk. She has the best alcohol tolerance among them and could drink 1000 cups without getting drunk. However, after a certain point, she becomes more talkative than usual, although her logic still remains.
And now, she has reached that point
She begins to speak, “Indulging in a short spell of pleasure, leaves behind endless regret…can you imagine that’s how she described our first night together?”
Ye Mingxin thought about it, “Yes.”
Jiang Lingyan: “….”
Jiang Lingyan pushed the small glass in front of her and laid her arms on the bar counter, “I’m not complaining or lacking patience, it’s just… occasionally, I feel a bit tired. You know the feeling? Like walking through knee-deep snow in a dense fog, straining to find a way out. I have the perseverance and determination, but… why does it seem like I can’t see the future?”
Ye Mingxin tried to comfort her, “The future is inherently invisible and intangible. Don’t chase after a concept like ‘future’ that is so distant and empty. Hasn’t Section Chief Shen already started living with you? That’s progress.”
Jiang Lingyan, with her eyes downcast, replied, “I basically forced her to let me move in. She didn’t want me there in the first place. Like today, when I said I wouldn’t go home tonight, she smiled so brightly like she found a 500 yuan bill lying on the street.”
Ye Mingxin fell silent. Shen Sangluo has always been like that. Even when Han Feixu visited her, she seemed indifferent to her best friend’s visit and was eager for her to leave. That was probably just her personality.
But her childhood friend’s heart was more fragile now than ever, probably due to the alcohol, so she gently asked, “What do you want from her then?”
Jiang Lingyan sighed, “I just want her to tell me if she likes me or not and if she is willing to take the next step with me.”
Ye Mingxin was dumbfounded, “Didn’t she already tell you?”
Jiang Lingyan raised her head to look at her in confusion.
Realizing that her childhood friend genuinely didn’t understand and wasn’t just being dramatic for the sake of it, a common trait many women possessed, she raised her eyebrows high and said, “Really, you….This is Section Chief Shen we’re talking about. You’ve been taught in school to adapt to local conditions, find the right solution based on said conditions, and then solve using precise targets. Where is that knowledge of yours now? You’ve been pursuing her for so long, don’t you know her personality by now?”
Jiang Lingyuan propped her face up with both hands, like a delicate flower opening its petals, and said softly, “I’ve known all about her personality. I even communicated to her about this before, but she didn’t believe me. And the more composed she acts during the day, the more entangled we become at night. Tell me, isn’t such mixed messaging exhausting? But there’s nothing I can do about it. Who told me to fall for someone who develops feelings at a tortoise’s pace? But since I chose this path, I must bear with it myself.”
“Anyone can understand the theory of patience when it comes to love, but when it comes to the actual practice, one can’t help but worry,” Jiang Lingyan lifts her eyes to look at Ye Mingxin beside her, “Aren’t you always worried that the one Han Feixu loves is not you, but the character you once played?”
Hearing this, Ye Mingxin fell silent.
“See, it’s the same for everyone. We can reason with perfect logic to others about how to love, but when it comes to ourselves, we falter. Being in love inherently brings a fear of loss. If someone is overly confident in a relationship, there are only two possibilities. One, that person is foolishly overconfident, or two, their love isn’t deep enough.”
After saying this, Jiang Lingyan sighed wistfully, and then looked up to tap the counter, “Sis, give me another round.”
Jiang LingYuan: “….” Why did you suddenly break out the dongbei* accent? (T/N: In the previous sentence, Jiang Lingyan used the word ‘Sis’ which is a word in the dongbei dialect (dongbeihua), read more about it here)
She frowned at the two older women. They were both in perfectly good relationships, and yet they were feeling sorry for themselves? Jiang Lingyuan watched them blankly for a while, then turned her head up and rolled her eyes in the air. Then-BANG!
Jiang LingYuan slammed her fist onto the bar counter. It was solid wood, yet she managed to produce such a loud sound. One can imagine just how much strength she put behind it.
Jiang Lingyan and Ye Mingxin immediately looked up in shock.
Jiang LingYuan tried to raise one leg onto the counter in a domineering manner, but gave up after realizing her short legs wouldn’t allow it.
The other patrons in the pub turned their heads, and even the singer stopped, thinking someone was causing trouble again.
Jiang LingYuan shouted at them fiercely, “What are you all looking at! Mind your own business, and if I scared you, I’ll pay your bill today!”
“And you!” she pointed ferociously at the singer, “Keep singing! I’ll double your pay for today!”
Everyone: “….”
Jiang Lingyan couldn’t accept her little sister’s attitude. She moved to stand, leaning on the counter with shaky legs, “Jiang LingYuan, what’s wrong with your brain, slamming the counter like that? Are you trying to scare someone to death?”
Before she could finish, Jiang LingYuan slammed a fist on the counter again, “Sit down!”
For the first time in her life, Jiang Lingyan experienced the feeling of being yelled at by her younger sister.
Caught off guard, she stared in disbelief at Jiang LingYuan and subconsciously sat down. Ye Mingxin, finding the situation amusing, started to laugh, but Jiang LingYuan quickly turned her head and nearly poked her nose with her finger, “Don’t you dare laugh!”
With the two of them subdued, Jiang LingYuan felt a sense of triumph. Fortunately, her pride was short-lived as she remembered she had something to say. It was just as well because once the other two recovered, the situation would completely turn around again.
Jiang LingYuan looked at Jiang Lingyan disapprovingly, “And to think you’re supposed to be the older sister. How could our Jiang family have someone as clueless as you?”
Ironically, this was a sentence Jiang Lingyan often said to Jiang LingYuan but now the roles were switched.
Black lines appeared on Jiang Lingyan’s forehead, and she was about to open her mouth to argue, but Jiang Lingyuan didn’t give her a chance to interrupt, “How long have you and Section Chief Shen been together now? More than half a year, right? Everyone can see that she likes you, even my driver has noticed. But why hasn’t she admitted it? Her personality is partly to blame, but that can’t be changed. The only thing you can change is yourself. So think about how you two met and how you ended up together. With such a beginning, is it any wonder that Section Chief Shen still resists your advances?”
“From the very beginning, your approach was wrong. You basically stalked her, persistently bothering her and making various confessions left and right. Tell me, where has all that gotten you? Naturally, Section Chief Shen will still have reservations in her heart after all that! If you had been upfront about this from the very start, showing your willingness to take this slow while asking her thoughts about it. If you had started as friends while gently and subtly pursuing her along the way, would she still be acting the same way as she is now?”
Jiang LingYuan gave her sister an exasperated look, “Then look at what you did instead. After the first one-night stand, you found out she was ignoring you and concocted a scheme for a second one-night stand. If I were Section Chief Shen, I would’ve kicked you to the South Pole by now. Now, why do you think she hasn’t done this?”
A patron, watching from a safe distance, whispered, “Because she loves you?”
Jiang LingYuan snapped her fingers, “See, even a random stranger gets it!”
Jiang Lingyan: “…..”
The singer girl was still performing, but by now, no one was listening to her songs. Everyone’s attention was focused on listening to Jiang LingYuan scold her sister. Such a scene was a rare spectacle, something one might not witness again in a hundred years.
Not to mention that these scolding words revealed so much information. It turns out that Eldest Miss Jiang has a lover and a relationship that started from a one-night stand! Holy sh*t!
Jiang Lingyan wanted to retort, but as she opened her mouth, she found herself unable to utter a word of rebuttal because what her sister was saying was true. After all, an outsider can see things more clearly than someone involved in the situation.
Ye Mingxin dared not say a word as she watched Jiang LingYuan render Jiang Lingyan speechless. She had a feeling that she would be the next target of criticism. She thought about making an excuse to leave, but then she saw Jiang LingYuan turn her gaze towards her. Her eyes were narrowed slightly, signaling that she had locked onto her next target and was ready to attack.
“….”
Facing Ye Mingxin, Jiang LingYuan was less emotional. They weren’t as close, so naturally, she wasn’t going to be as disrespectful to Ye Mingxin as she was to her sister, at least not in public.
“I just want to ask you one thing: what’s wrong with her liking the character you once played?”
She didn’t wait to hear Ye Mingxin’s response. Staring into her eyes, she spoke coldly, “You’re my love rival, so if possible, I wouldn’t want to talk to you about this, but I’ve liked Han Feixu for so many years. Even if I stop liking her in the future, I still want her to be happy, and not with someone who’s always doubting herself and thinking so pessimistically every day.”
“I started liking Han Feixu because of a character she once played. At first, I only liked her face, and her personality didn’t matter to me. Yet, although it began with a surface obsession over the character she played, I gradually wanted to know her as a person. Do you know when I fell in love with her? It started from the time you took her to the Golden Horse Awards Ceremony*.” (T/N: The Golden Horse Awards is an awards ceremony held annually in Taiwan.)
“This is something you definitely don’t know about, and maybe she doesn’t either. I was also there that night, sitting right behind you. Throughout the ceremony, I kept watching her back. I watched how she interacted with various people, how she clapped, how she laughed, and what expression she had when she won. It all started from that moment. Everyone thinks I just like the character she played, but I’m not that foolish. I can distinguish reality from the screen. Initially, it was the character she played that I liked, but in the end, it’s her as a person that I love. Did you really think I’ve wasted these seven years on a fictional character? I’m not that stupid.”
Jiang LingYuan had never told anyone this, not even her sister. After seven years, this was the first time she had expressed these thoughts to someone else. She had previously kept her feelings to herself because she knew it was wrong to love someone else’s girlfriend, and so she didn’t want anyone’s pity or contempt.
In reality, no one would condemn her for her feelings. She had handled her feelings quite well, after all. Who you fall in love with is beyond one’s control and she never truly interfered in Han Feixu and Ye Mingxin’s relationship. She never even purposely confronted her crush face-to-face until she heard the news of the divorce, and instead she kept all her pain and longing to herself. These were her silent struggles, and no one knew what hardships she’s been through all these years.
Originally, she had intended to keep these feelings buried in her heart forever. Speaking them out loud today lightened her heart but also brought a bittersweet pain. Jiang LingYuan had always been a crybaby, and she lowered her head as she rapidly blinked the tears from her eyes before looking up again, “So, what’s wrong with her liking a character you played? Does that mean she doesn’t love you? Love at first sight is common and what do these people fall in love with first? The face. Yet, they end up walking down the aisle, reading their wedding vows, and promising to stay together with their love through thick and thin. Do you think their love isn’t real, that they’re only in love with a face?”
And Jiang LingYuan was using her own story as an example.
For perhaps the first time, Ye Mingxin realized just how sincere and deep Jiang Lingyuan’s feelings for Han Feixu were. She expected to feel upset, but upon introspection, she found no hint of jealousy.
Jiang LingYuan truly wished the best for them, even though she often claimed to hate Ye Mingxin. But if Jiang LingYuan really hated her, she wouldn’t have shared these thoughts with her.
Jiang LingYuan’s voice softened as she looked down, “You all have doubted me for the past seven years. Even Han Feixu thinks that what I love is just a fictional character. Initially, I tried to explain, but later, I grew tired and stopped bothering. You thought my silence was an admission of guilt. Nobody understands my feelings, nobody gets my true intentions. My efforts and sincerity were treated as a child’s game. Do you know how much that hurts?”
Pausing, Jiang LingYuan looked up earnestly at Ye Mingxin, “So, I’m asking you, please, have some confidence in yourself. Don’t let Han Feixu feel what I’ve gone through. The doubts you all voiced to me over the past seven years don’t hurt as much as a single hurtful word from Han Feixu.”
Ye Mingxin pursed her lips. After a long while, she nodded, “I understand now. Thank you, LingYuan.”
Jiang Lingyan’s mood also fell as she looked at her little sister with guilt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know, it’s all my fault…”
She reached out to hold her sister’s hand, but Jiang LingYuan, sniffling, moved her hand away, trying to appear unaffected, “It’s all in the past. Everyone’s first love is difficult, it’s not just me. It’s okay, I’ll find someone who belongs only to me and loves me deeply in the future. The past… let’s just consider it as gaining exp points in order to level up.”
The shadow cast by her first love was so profound that she only had one real criteria, that is, finding someone “who belongs only to me” in her future relationships. Jiang Lingyan felt a pang of heartache but didn’t know what else to say. Jiang LingYuan had already understood the necessary lessons and given up; now was the time for healing and moving on. The help others could offer was limited; the main healing process had to come from within.
The silent pub slowly regained its liveliness as the other patrons gradually looked away and resumed their conversations. Three of them, however, remained silent, lost in their own thoughts. Ye Mingxin swirled her glass, then suddenly looked up.
“Second Jiang.”
Jiang Lingyuan: “….What?”
Ye Mingxin had just been using her name, and now she was back to calling her “Second Jiang” again. This person is really…annoying!
Ye Mingxin smiled slightly, “How about I introduce you to someone?”
Jiang LingYuan has been considering dating again, but she hadn’t been satisfied with any of the prospects Jiang Lingyan had shown her. She even dismissed them just from a single look at their photos. She replied indifferently, “What kind of person can you introduce me to? I hope it’s not another one of those young actresses in the entertainment industry. I’m not interested in those little flowers, their acting skills are too poor nowadays.”
…Choosing someone who has good acting skill, what an unusual criterion for finding
Ye Mingxin thought for a moment, “Not a young actress, but a more established one. And you’ve met her before. I remember you seemed to have a good impression of her last time.”
Jiang LingYuan thought back to the established actresses she had met, ones Ye Mingxin knew as well…
She paused, “You mean Lin Yi jie-jie?”
What an affectionate title. Ye Mingxin nodded, “Yes, her. How about it? Shall I arrange a date for you?”
Jiang LingYuan hesitated, “A-Are you sure? She didn’t seem to show that kind of interest in me…”
“You never know until you try,” Ye Mingxin persuaded gently. “She’s planning to transition to directing and producing, and won’t be acting as much. She’s also thinking of settling down here. Isn’t that perfect for you?”
“V-Very well then.” Jiang LingYuan agreed, feeling a bit shy as it was her first time agreeing to a blind date. Her cheeks were flushed.
She made an excuse and quickly went to the storage room to calm down.
Jiang Lingyan, frowned and pondered for a moment, “Lin Yi? Isn’t she two years older than me?”
“Your sister always liked the mature ones, didn’t she?” (T/N: see chapter 54 where Jiang LingYuan talks about her type)
Jiang Lingyan slowly said, “She says that, but look at when she fell for Han Feixu. Han Feixu wasn’t very mature back then.”
“Just let her give it a try. Even if it doesn’t work out, at least let it be a distraction from her pain, “Ye Mingxin suggested.
Jiang Lingyan nodded slightly, but then a concern crossed her mind, “Wait, did you ask Lin Yi about her thoughts? What if she doesn’t agree? I don’t want LingYuan to face another disappointment.”
“Don’t worry,” Ye Mingxin sipped her drink with a meaningful smile. “Lin Yi is actually quite into her type.”
That evening, all five of them gained something new.
However, the next day, everyone went back to work. Wei Xun came to pick up Han Feixu, and upon arriving at the set, Han Feixu headed straight for Ye Mingxin. Unnoticed by others, she gently hooked her little finger with Ye Mingxin’s.
Looking up at her, Ye Mingxin saw Han Feixu’s flashing a radiant smile back at her.
Ye Mingxin smiled back, “You seem in such a good mood today. Section Chief Shen must have been quite charming.”
“It wasn’t her charm that lifted my mood, but yours. Seeing you makes me exceptionally happy because you are my mood lifter.”
Han Feixu had a knack for delivering cheesy love lines with a straight face, though she didn’t do it often, as she was more used to being the receiver of such lines.
Ye Mingxin was momentarily taken aback by such a straightforward confession so early in the day.
Thinking Ye Mingxin might not have understood, Han Feixu looked around to make sure no one was eavesdropping, before quickly leaning in and whispering in her ear, “What I mean to say is, I love you and seeing you makes me happy. That’s the power of love.”
After saying this, Han Feixu quickly stood up, trying to appear nonchalant, but her ears had already turned a deep red.
She nervously watched Ye Mingxin’s expression, fearing she would show that faint, disbelieving look again. But Ye Mingxin didn’t.
Ye Mingxin stood up from the makeup chair, and gently kissed the tip of Han Feixu’s ear. The action was subtle enough that it was almost impossible for the others to notice. However, Han Feixu was still stunned for a moment and quickly tried to stop Ye Mingxin, “This is a public place! We still haven’t made our relationship public yet and I don’t want to use a method like this! Quick, quick, move farther away-”
“I love you too.”
The feather-light words tickled Han Feixu’s ear. Like a pause button, those words made her freeze. After two seconds, she lifted her eyes to meet Ye Mingxin’s gaze.
It is often said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, as they can express a multitude of emotions and allow others to directly perceive the feelings of their owner. For example, right now, Han Feixu could see a deep sense of happiness in Ye Mingxin’s eyes.
If they weren’t in a public setting, Han Feixu would’ve jumped into Ye Mingxin’s arms and clung to her body all day out of happiness.
Of course, even if they weren’t in public and Han Feixu had done just that, it would not have been possible for Ye Mingxin to carry Han Feixu around all day. She only weighs 1 kilogram (~2.2 pounds) lighter than Han Feixu after all, and wouldn’t be able to carry all that weight.
Although a hug was out of the question, Han Feixu could still smile. Her grin almost reached the sky, and Ye Mingxin, standing beside her, didn’t stop her. Finally, Nie Kaiyuan, unable to watch any longer, passed by them nonchalantly and whispered a reminder, “Stop smiling like that, everyone is looking at you. If they didn’t know better, they’d think you’ve lost your mind.”
Yiyi had only been away for two days, but when she returned home, she noticed a completely different atmosphere. It had been good before, but now the atmosphere was even better.
Her Mommy bathed her, and her Mama read her a fairy tale. After a fragrant bath, Yiyi lay in her little bed and Ye Mingxin kissed her forehead, said goodnight, and then walked out of the room.
Han Feixu had the task of putting her to sleep, so she stayed behind. She opened the fairy tale book to the unfinished page and was about to read, when Yiyi scooted closer and asked, “Mama, are we still getting a divorce?”
Han Feixu: “….”
Han Feixu was speechless for a moment, then laughed, “Silly girl, how can I possibly get a divorce from you?”
Yiyi scratched her head, realizing she might have used the wrong word. After thinking for a while, she finally found the right term, “Then, mama, are we still moving?”
Previously, Han Feixu had explained the concept of divorce to Yiyi as someone moving out of the house. Now, after half a year, Yiyi still remembers that conversation. She had been reluctant to move from the start and was even more so now, but only now did she dare to ask her mother about it.
Hearing her question, Han Feixu remembered what she had once said. She realized that Yiyi, although only four years old, understood quite a lot. Children are sensitive and can pick up on a lot from adults’ expressions and their previous talk of divorce must have impacted Yiyi significantly.
Tucking Yiyi in, Han Feixu smiled, “We’re not moving anymore. We’ll live here, and we’ll never move again.”